My Puppy and the Pope- Kindred Spirits

My Puppy and the Pope- Kindred Spirits

If you are in the cohort of people who don’t like dogs, you might want to just stop reading right now because I am going to wax poetic about my puppy.   I will get around to the kindred spirits connection in a minute but first, I’d like to think about each of these beings as individuals.  Let’s first 

talk about Pope Francis.

I have had heard numerous people over the last few months remark that they love the Pope.  These are not good Catholics mind you, but people who may or may not even go to church.  There is something about this man that has captivated them.  I have honestly not paid too much attention until last night when I watched a 60 Minutes segment about his pending visit to the United States.  It was a very thoughtful piece about the man and was done with great respect for who he is and what he represents. 

Here’s what struck me the most about the story.  They interviewed some of the men who are charged with protecting him.  They showed him riding through Vatican City in a very snappy white vehicle with a clutch of dark-clothed men walking next to the car.  Clearly this is the Vatican’s version of the Secret Service.   Apparently, Pope Francis does not really pay attention to their concern and nervousness for his well being.  If these men had their druthers, they would rather he not just walk out into the crowd. This of course is completely understandable in that they are charged with keeping him safe.  But he’s not having it.  He is all about the people and being with the people. In this particular motorcade through the city, he asked them to stop the car so that he could go and comfort a quadriplegic man who was in the crowd.  One of the men interviewed said that he really didn’t know how Pope Francis knew that this man was there and was in need of comfort but he apparently has some highly attuned radar that tells him that there is someone in need.  Perhaps there is some divine intervention going on.  I’d like to think there is.

Okay, now let’s talk about my puppy for a moment.  Her name is Smooch and she is aptly named, as her favorite thing to do with people and dogs is kiss them- immediately.  As I observe her learning about the world, I am struck by her incredibly open and exuberant spirit.  She loves everyone!  And I mean everyone.  When we are out for a walk, she will barrel up to whoever is coming in our direction and will wag her tail ferociously and you guessed it, try to give them smooches. She seems to be pretty darn indiscriminant.  She puts herself out in the world and fully expects that she will get back what she has put out- which is love.  Of course it will come as no surprise to anyone reading this that she almost always gets back what she puts out.  Who can resist an adorable puppy?  Well in my neck of the woods (quite literally) everyone we have met has fallen under her spell.   

Are you starting to see where this is going?  Smooch and Pope Francis start from a place of being openhearted. That’s how they roll.  Of course in the world we live in today many people are fearful much of the time.  They are fearful of bad things happening. They are fearful of scary people and scary things.  They are afraid of weather and airplanes and mean bosses.

But I have long held the theory that you really do get back what you put out in the world.  When I walk down the street with a swing in my step and a smile on my face, many of the people I meet return the smile.  When in my business dealings, I expect the best from people, I almost always get it. 

Imagine a world where we all wake up each morning with an open-heart and a joyful expectation for what the day might bring?  Imagine if we shed the fear that holds us back and put ourselves out there as loving, worthy people.  Who’s in?

The Great Gifting Experiment

The Great Gifting Experiment

After a couple of months off, of relaxing, gardening, playing with my new puppy, I am ready to get back out in the world.  And since I spent so much time at BiddingForGood thinking about the theme of generosity, I thought I would consider how I might embrace this theme myself.  I will have a busy next couple of months as I join the cast of Our Town at Northern Stage, running through Halloween. But there’s always time in your life for helping others and spreading some goodness around in the world.  So I introduce to you- The Great Gifting Experiment.

Between now and Thanksgiving, the best things in life are free.  At least from me.  I am going to offer to help my friends and colleagues with ideas, inspiration and introductions. 

If you need….

            An introduction to someone you’d love to meet

            Some feedback on a business plan

            Someone to find just the right recipe for all of the kale out of your garden

            Some ideas on an audition song or monologue

            A new name for your puppy or horse or baby!

            A subject line for an email

            A decision on which outfit to wear for an event

            Someone to ask hard questions about a big life decision

            A book recommendation

            Some ideas to market your business or yourself

           

Obviously, I will not be coming out to San Francisco to babysit for your kids, or doing your laundry, but I will give you my time and my best ideas and energy, using the best technology that is available.  I have always been a girl with a lot of ideas.  Some of them are great, some of them are not, but who knows, one of them might actually make a difference in your life.

I will be chronicling this project in a series of blogs so be among the first to raise your hand.  The only thing that could possibly go wrong is if no one takes me up on the offer.   Think of me as your consultant, your life coach, your spiritual director or just a friend who wants to help.

Here’s to the possibilities!

Please reach out to me at perryisperky@gmail.com 

I Have Always Been a Woman Who Arranges Things

For the musical theatre buffs among you, you may recall this famous line from Hello Dolly- "I have always been a woman who arranges things, for the pleasure and the profit it derives." Cue Carol Channing.  This morning,  I sat by my fish pond looking at my hillside garden and all of the garden art that I have collected over the years. I sat there pondering how I could rearrange it.   I was considering whether the frogs that sit above the pond should be moved closer or whether the garden angel that I bought so many years ago in Mendocino is in just the right spot.  Then there is the ceramic art piece that I bought in Mexico many years ago.  It featured a circle of women arm in arm around a center where a candle sits.  I bought this treasure to remind me of my dear girlfriends and our special circle of friendship.  Sadly, this piece took a spill the other day and is now in smaller pieces.  But I couldn't part with them so I found them each their own special spot in the garden.  Are they where they belong?

I like rearranging furniture too.  There is something therapeutic about it for me.  It helps me see things in a new way.  It's hard to believe, but I have been known to move entire living rooms all by myself.  This desire to move things around, to rearrange them, strikes me quite often.

At my company, we had a standing meeting every Monday morning for our management team.  For many of these meetings, each person had their requisite place at the table.  Likewise, when my marketing team gathered each week, we would find ourselves drifting to the same spot.  But unlike some folks who like things to be orderly and predictable, I actually like it when things get shaken up a bit.  I observe that some people are much more creative when they sit in a different seat.

I heard a fabulous keynote speech earlier this summer at a tech conference in Boston.  The keynote was delivered by Diane Hessan who is now the CEO of the Startup Institute.  Diane has had a stellar career and her message on that day was about diversity, about bringing different points of view to the table.  If you are in an early stage company and everyone around the table looks like you, you are not optimized for success.  You need people who see things differently.  You need to rearrange the room.

This technique of purposefully shaking things up can be a powerful tool in a number of settings.  School teachers have used it with great success.  If there are a couple of rabble-rousers clustered together in one corner of the room, move them around.  Give them a new point of view and some new neighbors.  What about in the garden?  If the tomatoes were not very happy last summer, try them in a different spot next to the snapdragons and see what happens. Or on the soccer field.  Why not try your players in different positions? You might see a whole new set of skills and strengths emerge.

If the configuration and layout of the office is not encouraging idea-sharing, then change it up.  See what happens.  If you are casting a play and there is a casting choice that feels a little bold and out of the box, go for it.  Often these moments are when true creativity is born.

So I will sit a bit longer looking at my garden and I will try to see it in a new way.   I will encourage my colleagues and friends to do the same with whatever it is that they like to observe and admire. What's the worse thing that can happen?  Probably not very much.  Places please!

Stepping Off the Fast Lane

Can we actually just step off the fast lane or do we actually have to hurl ourselves off the fast lane?  Can we do it gracefully and gradually?  I’m not sure about that. I have been on a very fast train for a long time.  Oh sure, here have been some detours and some stops along the way but for the last twenty or so years I have been working at companies that are moving fast.  They’ve been early stage companies finding their way in a new market or they’ve been companies on a wild growth trajectory who have hit it just right.  Regardless, I have had a team of folks waiting for me almost every workday over the last two decades.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I love having a team and being part of a team.  I actually find it incredibly rewarding to galvanize a group of people to do great things and to come together for something greater.  But now, I am in a protracted state of letting go and moving into a new phase in my career.  My company has recently been acquired and it was a long time coming.  So I have had several months to let go, to savor the wonderful experiences I had at this company and to begin to ponder what’s next.

After the letting go, I have been trying to slow down.  I deserve a break.  There is no doubt about that.   And I’m determined to take it.  But this does not come easily to me.  My pace has not necessarily been frenetic,  but certainly super-charged.  So I slow down.  I allow myself to sleep a bit later than usual. Since it’s summertime in Vermont and the sun comes up early and chickens start their clucking early, I wake up pretty darn early too. It’s a farmer’s life for me.  But I don’t have to leap out of bed to milk the cows or do the chores.  I can linger and stretch and think and dream a bit.

I don’t have a big long to-do list, although I sometimes think I could use one.  I struggle with not feeling a sense of accomplishment or completion.  In my first couple of weeks at home, I was a whirling dervish of energy, wanting to clean and organize and re-arrange.  (pity my poor husband).

I yearn to bring order to the many things that I have neglected over the last 5 years or so.  Having just begun the book- “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up”, I am inspired to toss and only keep around the things that I love.

I find myself drifting over to the piano almost every day.  Is it possible that I might actually take the time to get better at playing- to finally learn to play chords after my early, formal lessons in classical music?   I yearn to be able to sit down with friends gathered around the piano and rock out to some great songs while I accompany them, playing the chords.

I have even felt some culinary energy return.  There were years when we had a houseful of hungry mouths to feed where I spent a lot of time in the kitchen.  Sometimes the goal was just getting something on the table and sometimes; I was actually inspired to create something special.  But that’s been a while.  I find the practice of chopping and stirring, and breathing in the smell of fr 

esh herbs to be incredibly therapeutic.

I ponder how long it takes to really change your pace.  How long does it take for the cortisol, the stress hormone, to diminish in your body?  This is a luxurious time for me and I am filled with gratitude that I have this time.  So I wander and I read and I weed and I sing and I nap and I write and I cook. The refrain swirls through my head-  “Summertime and the living is easy.”

That about sums it up for me.  I actually managed to get off the speeding train and I didn’t hurt myself when I leapt either.   I will likely get back on the train.  I’m not exactly sure when or what I’ll be doing.  But I have way too much energy and too much to offer to not find a new home for my passion and my creativity and my experience.  I hope if I do this hiatus well, I’ll have that much more to offer on the next go-round.  In the meantime, come on by for a meal or a song around the piano or a nap in my tent.  You’ll be glad you did.   You’ll be able to slow…..down…..

It's Just Stuff

There is a small ceramic sign that sits in our kitchen.   I'm not quite sure where it came from, but we keep it around as a gentle reminder.  There are two kinds of people in the world- the ones who collect and hold onto things and the ones who are quick with the heave ho.  I fall somewhere in the middle but lean towards the heave ho end of the spectrum.  My husband, on the other hand, is squarely in the camp of holding onto things.  Here are the kinds of things that "collectors" are known to say.  "You never know when you might need that tool."  "Can't toss that magazine. There's an interesting article in it that I might need to look up some day."  "I know we have an overflowing spice cabinet, but I bought that special spice years ago for some exotic dish and we might want to make it again."  Has anyone in your household ever rifled through a garbage bag in case something important had been tossed?  Don't get me started. 

Like in so many things, the Internet has had a profound influence on the need to collect ideas/books/magazines.  Who needs cookbooks when you can jump online and visit Epicurious for a quick recipe?  Who needs to save This Old House Journal when every word published in the magazine is now available online.

After cleaning out numerous houses in our family, I have watched the process of distributing precious possessions take many forms.  In our younger married days, we were incredibly grateful that my grandparents were leaving their big house at precisely the right time for us to inherit some wonderful old furniture.  We still have a large dining room table with multiple leaves and 10+ chairs that was passed down to us from my grandparents.  It's made of mahogany and has been the table where our family has gathered for many holidays and special occasions over the years.  It was the centerpiece for a lovely and elegant dining room in my grandparents fairly formal home in Pelham Manor, NY.  But now I live in an old farmhouse in Vermont and my tastes have strayed from formal to more country and casual.  My other set of grandparents cleared out their county home in New Hampshire, which held many antique treasures.  I was happy to receive many of them.  And then last summer, we helped my Mom clear out their big Vermont home where we had spent many wonderful years with our growing families.  That process took months.  This time however,  the timing was different.  We were not in the accumulating stage of our lives but rather were beginning to shed belongings ourselves.

My husband's family also went through similar clean outs.  A classic moment in our marriage was when I opened a box that my husband had shipped home from Oregon after helping clear out his childhood home.  He clearly had run out of time to really go through the boxes as this particular box was filled with telephone books.  The price he paid to ship that box could have replaced many of the treasures that he saved with a newer model. 

So now we are trying to begin the process of shedding much of our stuff.  The beautiful china that once graced my grandmother's holiday table has not seen the light of day in my household for years.  The old paintings haven't really fit with the decor in the houses that we have lived in.  Last weekend we actually tried to have a yard sale, assuming that someone could actually use this stuff.  I didn't really want to take it to the dump and while you can donate much of the stuff, even the most generous Goodwill store won't take everything.  We had sports equipment and dishes, a set of Irish glassware that we have never used.  I had several bags- one, a practically brand new Coach bag that I never really used. We had all manner of collectible and some beautiful antique frames.  We had two couches that we bought some 20 years ago.  I have been "over it" with these couches for years already.  The list goes on.  But in our part of the world, nobody wants china or even a barely used Coach bag.  Who needs them when you spend your days mucking about on the farm or hiking and biking through this beautiful countryside?

We finally found a guy who would come and take the leftovers away.  He does this for a living- sorting through people's treasures and trash and then re-selling items.  We all yearn for an Antiques Road Show moment where some treasure that has been locked away in a box is discovered to be worth piles of money.  He offered us a whopping $25 to take it all away.  He told us that no one wants this stuff any more.  Old furniture is just not selling.  Very little is selling.  We even have a salt-water fish tank that my husband had custom made for us.  It was very expensive and was a spectacular piece of living art in our last house.  But when we moved to Vermont, I realized that I did not need to bring nature into my house.  All I needed to do was look out the window and there is more nature than a person could ever need.  So there is another large piece of "stuff"- albeit very expensive that is in my garage, waiting to find a home.

So I continue to stew and debate- what to keep, what to chuck, which books will my not-yet-born grandchildren want to read.  Will the doll furniture that I have saved for years and years ever capture the imagination of a little girl again?  What about the grandfather clock that sits in my living room, not working, taking up wall space? Well that negotiation with my husband will have to wait.  These things don't happen overnight.  Of course if anyone is in the market for a gorgeous fish tank, the price is going down daily.   And as I keep reminding myself and my family- it's just stuff.

Fear of Missing Out

There is a term that I learned recently called FOMO which means Fear of Missing Out.  I learned this from some business partners, the folks at Eventbrite.  Eventbrite is a company that is in the business of promoting and celebrating all manner of events.  Apparently this is a thing, this fear of missing out.  This is a reason why many people actually show up to different occasions.

Consider the times when you have had a case of FOMO.  Was it a party that you were sure was going to be so much fun, so filled with light and laughter that you couldn't stand the thought of missing it? Was it a meeting or a conference at work that promised to reveal important information or where new opportunities would be presented only to the people in the room.  For folks like me who love to be part of theatrical productions, was it a time when a show was being cast and you were sure that the cast and the production team and all involved were going to create the most stellar,  most special experience ever and you absolutely had to be a part of it.

How often do these things work out?  How often is it worth allowing yourself to feel this FOMO?  Believe me, I'm a girl who loves a party and often is drawn to the center of the action.  I put myself out in the world a lot for many different reasons and I'm fairly certain that this dynamic of FOMO is at play for me often.  But I wonder how often it's worthwhile.

There are times when I probably would have been just as happy to stay home or mind my own business at work.  There are times when the promise of a magical production isn't all it was cracked up to be.  How can we discern when to listen to the voice inside that is whispering- better go, better get out, better join, better be part of it or you'll MISS OUT!  Is there a strategy for getting in touch with the real potential of missing out and the real consequences of what will happen if you do?  Are there times when it's more important to pay attention when the threat of "missing out" is a real one?

I pondered this question whilst in my garden today.  It was a glorious Vermont day and I was puttering around, looking at my various plants and marveling at what had happened in just the few days since I had last been in the garden.  I honestly could not believe how quickly my green beans were rocketing out of the soil.  (This makes me conclude by the way,  that Jack and the Beanstalk must have been a true story).  I am stunned at the velocity with which my new asparagus patch is taking hold.  Literally,  my few stalks seem to grow while I am looking at them.  And then I wandered over to my little fish pond.  I have a handful of fish in my pond and a jolly old frog who hangs out on the log.  And I also have a couple of beautiful water lilies.  When I walked by my pond early this morning, there was not much going on, but when I returned, voila, there was my water lily with a near perfect yellow flower opening up to the glorious day.  Now these are the things that I do not want to miss out on.  These are the moments when I know deeply that I want to be paying attention and I don't want to be rushing but rather savoring what is around me.

There was a wonderful story that aired on NPR recently about an elementary school in Quechee, Vermont that has what they call- Forest Mondays.  Forest Mondays are the day that the first graders get to spend outdoors.  My favorite part of the story was hearing how these lucky children start their day.  Each child has a special spot in the forest that they had found and claimed for their own.  Every Forest Monday they start their day sitting in their special spot. They sit quietly and look to see what has changed since the last time they were there.  This, my friends, is FOMO worth keeping.  This is what helps us keep our eyes and our senses open to the world around us.  This is what summer is all about.

The Legacy of Dave Goldberg Gives me Hope

If you follow the world of technology and the internet at all, you will have heard and read recently about Dave Goldberg, CEO of Survey Monkey and husband of Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook.  Sheryl  penned the widely acclaimed book, Lean In.   Dave died a month or so ago while on vacation in Mexico in what seemed to be a freak accident.   Ever since, the internet has been awash with tributes,  stories, and blog posts honoring this man.  I never met Dave nor his wife, although I did read her book and my company is a customer of Survey Monkey.  Where I feel a bit of a connection though is that I did spend two years of my career in Silicon Valley.

 I was particularly moved by the blog that was posted by his employees on their company blog.   The words that they used to describe him and the legacy that he is leaving are quite stunning.

He was described as a mensch- " a yiddish term that means a person of integrity and honor, a stand-up guy, someone to admire and emulate, a rock of humanity."  Adam Lashinsky, a writer for Fortune was quoted as saying "You just don't meet many people who are talented, successful, bright, kind, humble, and universally admired and liked."

Clearly this was a man who touched many many people.  He was described elsewhere as a loyal friend and devoted husband and father.  A family man and really successful in Silicon Valley?  It's not often that you read about those two qualities wrapped up in the same person.  

So what is it about the stories of this man that gives me hope? My time in Silicon Valley was not a particularly happy chapter for me, at least career-wise.  I was there during the peak of the internet boom when companies were doing IPOs at a frightening clip and friends and colleagues were becoming overnight millionaires.  Sadly, that little bit about becoming a millionaire did not quite happen to me. Oh well,  I forced myself to be philosophical and tried not to look back.  But the experience that I had at that time was much more than about money.  It was about deception and greed.  I encountered  people who were anything but the stand-up guy that Dave Goldberg was described as being.  Don't get me wrong, I had many wonderful colleagues and friends in California as well.  The villains in my story were only a select few but the damage that they did to me personally has lingered for over 15 years.  The details are unimportant and in the end, I can look back and know that I acted with integrity and honesty, even if I was surrounded by people who were neither honest nor known for their integrity.   The greatest price that I paid was to have my fundamental optimism and belief in mankind shaken.  I don't mean to sound dramatic but neither do I want to understate how profound this disappointment was for me.  

I have since had a very successful business career with many wonderful colleagues.  Sadly,  I do still continue to see deception and a lack of honesty and trust in the workplace.  There are those who believe that the only way to get ahead is to look out for #1 and do what needs to be done to make things happen and be successful.   Well I would like to offer that a man like Dave Goldberg proves that you can be a "good guy" and still get ahead.  And better yet, you can be celebrated by so many people for the positive impact you have had in your career and in your life.  We should all be so lucky.