Stepping Off the Fast Lane

Can we actually just step off the fast lane or do we actually have to hurl ourselves off the fast lane?  Can we do it gracefully and gradually?  I’m not sure about that. I have been on a very fast train for a long time.  Oh sure, here have been some detours and some stops along the way but for the last twenty or so years I have been working at companies that are moving fast.  They’ve been early stage companies finding their way in a new market or they’ve been companies on a wild growth trajectory who have hit it just right.  Regardless, I have had a team of folks waiting for me almost every workday over the last two decades.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I love having a team and being part of a team.  I actually find it incredibly rewarding to galvanize a group of people to do great things and to come together for something greater.  But now, I am in a protracted state of letting go and moving into a new phase in my career.  My company has recently been acquired and it was a long time coming.  So I have had several months to let go, to savor the wonderful experiences I had at this company and to begin to ponder what’s next.

After the letting go, I have been trying to slow down.  I deserve a break.  There is no doubt about that.   And I’m determined to take it.  But this does not come easily to me.  My pace has not necessarily been frenetic,  but certainly super-charged.  So I slow down.  I allow myself to sleep a bit later than usual. Since it’s summertime in Vermont and the sun comes up early and chickens start their clucking early, I wake up pretty darn early too. It’s a farmer’s life for me.  But I don’t have to leap out of bed to milk the cows or do the chores.  I can linger and stretch and think and dream a bit.

I don’t have a big long to-do list, although I sometimes think I could use one.  I struggle with not feeling a sense of accomplishment or completion.  In my first couple of weeks at home, I was a whirling dervish of energy, wanting to clean and organize and re-arrange.  (pity my poor husband).

I yearn to bring order to the many things that I have neglected over the last 5 years or so.  Having just begun the book- “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up”, I am inspired to toss and only keep around the things that I love.

I find myself drifting over to the piano almost every day.  Is it possible that I might actually take the time to get better at playing- to finally learn to play chords after my early, formal lessons in classical music?   I yearn to be able to sit down with friends gathered around the piano and rock out to some great songs while I accompany them, playing the chords.

I have even felt some culinary energy return.  There were years when we had a houseful of hungry mouths to feed where I spent a lot of time in the kitchen.  Sometimes the goal was just getting something on the table and sometimes; I was actually inspired to create something special.  But that’s been a while.  I find the practice of chopping and stirring, and breathing in the smell of fr 

esh herbs to be incredibly therapeutic.

I ponder how long it takes to really change your pace.  How long does it take for the cortisol, the stress hormone, to diminish in your body?  This is a luxurious time for me and I am filled with gratitude that I have this time.  So I wander and I read and I weed and I sing and I nap and I write and I cook. The refrain swirls through my head-  “Summertime and the living is easy.”

That about sums it up for me.  I actually managed to get off the speeding train and I didn’t hurt myself when I leapt either.   I will likely get back on the train.  I’m not exactly sure when or what I’ll be doing.  But I have way too much energy and too much to offer to not find a new home for my passion and my creativity and my experience.  I hope if I do this hiatus well, I’ll have that much more to offer on the next go-round.  In the meantime, come on by for a meal or a song around the piano or a nap in my tent.  You’ll be glad you did.   You’ll be able to slow…..down…..