It's Christmas and I'm Back

A few years ago, I wrote a blog this time of year, reflecting on why I had lost my Christmas mojo.  I speculated that perhaps it had to do with my kids moving out. I dubbed it the lull between parenthood and grandparenthood.  I just wasn't feeling it.  I didn't really want to decorate my house or spend a lot of money on presents that no one needed.  I complained about decorating the house by myself.

But something incredible has happened. I have crossed over. I am back in the spirit and I attribute it to the newest gift in my life. I have a delicious baby grand.  I call her Mabelicious.   I am now a GramPear. I have been called Pear by many friends and family so it seems only fitting.  I was lucky enough to spend the last two months taking care of her as her Mom and Dad got ready to put her into daycare. Taking care of a baby is a tough gig, don't let me sugarcoat it.  But it got easier every day and by the time I was ready to head home, I was heartbroken. I was besotted and I was bereft.

So here's the Christmas miracle.  I'm back into celebrating the holiday.  I have holiday music playing full time.  From the Mormon Tabernacle choir to Pentatonix and everything in between.  I am a decorating fool.  I have every manner of Christmas lights up all over my house.  I am opening boxes of ornaments with new wonder and delight and recalling the stories that go with each one.   A friend told me a little known fact that the sooner you decorate for the holidays, the more you enjoy them.  And whether or not our house will be full of family and friends, I'm doing it for me. I'm doing it because it makes me feel warm and filled with the spirit.

I'm still not spending a lot of time shopping or buying presents.  I am all about getting rid of things, not accumulating them.  But buying presents for a small one is a wondrous experience.  And I still love the notion of gifting "experiences".  On Christmas night this year, we'll be in NYC and are going to see a Broadway show.  How much fun is that?  It'll be a different way to spend the holiday but I'm excited about it.

So if my newfound spirit is part of what this new chapter offers, bring it on.  I may have had to change my picture of what a holiday looks like.  But the best lesson I've learned is to do it for me. Do it because it makes me feel happy.  I wish all of my friends the same.

A Different Kind of Birthday

As I sat in the rocking chair tonight, with my sweet Mabel, wishing her to sleep, a dark shadow emerged from the hallway.  And then another.  It was Sydney, the black lab and Smooch my devoted blond lab, coming to make sure all was well. They plopped down on the floor in the nursery.  Always there. Always available.  Always attuned to me and my loved ones.  It was the end of a long day.  My new job, for now, is being the Granny Nanny.   This was not the birthday of years past.  There would be no dinner out with my dear husband or celebrations with my peeps at work.  A few times over the last few years, I have been lucky to be in rehearsal for a show so my birthday was celebrated by a big, larger than life, boisterous group of actors.  This year it was me and my grand baby and two Labrador retrievers. As usual, I enjoyed the bounty of a Facebook birthday where old friends from near and far, from this life and the lives before, resurfaced to send birthday greetings.  There is much to appreciate about what social media has allowed in our lives.  I love that annual tradition of reconnecting with so many.  Some of my friends posted that they hoped I was having a big party or celebrating with fervor. I have been known to be a bit of a party girl.  Hmmm.  Maybe not this year.

I got the usual phone calls from my family.  That’s kind of what we do.  We call each other and sometimes we sing happy birthday.  But I missed each call today as I attended to my sweet Mabel.  This is a different gig for sure.  It is consuming in ways that I didn’t imagine or managed to forget. I was happy to know that my family remembered me today but not unhappy that I was busy when the calls arrived. My husband, still in Vermont,  sent a beautiful bouquet of flowers that I will enjoy all week long.  I guess he misses me.

I had been in charge since 7:30 this morning when the kids went off to work and then to a rehearsal dinner for a wedding that they will be celebrating this weekend.  It was a long day but not without joyful moments.  What is better than teaching your first grand baby to sing Happy Birthday?  We sing and we sing a lot.  She seems to love it and of course so do I.

But my heart aches a bit for the life I had when life was overflowing with friends and colleagues and loved ones.  This experience of being in a different city, with a different family, albeit my own daughter, is a bit disorienting.  I am NOT complaining.  Not one bit.  But I am feeling the loss of my old life, in Vermont, in Boston, in business, with my a cappella group,  even at camp.  This year, it’s just me and the baby and the dogs.  I guess it’s all part of the passage of becoming a grandparent and leaving behind a busy work life, at least for now. 

Babies have an uncanny way of making us live in the moment.  Thankfully, they are not worrying about the stock market, or the shenanigans in our nation’s capital.  They eat, they sleep, they laugh, they sing and they appreciate the care that we shower on them.

That’s my gig for now.  Perhaps next year, I’ll throw a different kind of birthday celebration.  Who knows.  Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to celebrate with some of you.   

Best. Facebook. Birthday. Ever!

Best. Facebook. Birthday. Ever!

It’s official.  I’m starting a new trend.  We’ll see if it catches on.  It has to do with celebrating your birthday in a new way- especially on Facebook.

I have been a loyal Facebook user for a long time and have grown to really enjoy and even anticipate the birthday love.  In fact I penned a blog several years ago on this very topic. What I love about it is hearing from so many people from different times and places in my life.   I revel in that connection- even if it is only once a year. 

This year, for a host of reasons, I was especially looking forward to it.  Maybe it’s the result of moving full-time to Vermont, away from so many friends in MA.  Maybe it has something to do with transitioning into a different chapter in my career and missing my former colleagues.  Whatever the reason, I was really looking forward to the day.  But an interesting thing happened.  I began to hear from lots of people beginning early in the morning.  Most of them sent a simple Happy Birthday.  That’s probably the most efficient way to make the gesture without too much of a commitment.  But I found is curiously unsatisfying.  It just felt a bit flat and empty so I decided to do something about it.  I posted that at this stage in my life I am much more interested in experiences and creating memories than anything else and so I wanted to spend the day remembering some of those great memories and how my friends were part of them.  I began by posting one word or in some cases one sentence about the person and our shared experiences.

I’m sure some people were a bit surprised to get my short reply to their birthday post.  Some jumped right in and began sharing their memories of our time together.  I quickly realized that this would be a fabulous way to spend the day.  I actually took the time to think about each and every person who I heard from. For some it was very easy to recall a signature thing about them.  Like my friend Louis.  Louis and I met in business, he, at an advertising agency and I, at a media company probably trying to sell him advertising.  Here’s what I remembered about Louis.  Whenever I would see him, he would open his arms and say, “Show me some sugar”.  I just loved that about him and that is what came to mind as I remembered him. 

Other people from very early in my life bubbled up- my dear friend Meredith. Meredith and I were best friends when we were in elementary school and were in a secret club called the Flying Eagles.  That was her memory and boy did it bring me a smile.  I remember our super secret meetings, and our custom designed t-shirts.  I don’t remember exactly what we did in our club of 7 year olds but we thought we were pretty special.  Meredith moved to France a number of years ago so my only connection with her now is through Facebook.

Another friend from high school remembered the many singing adventures we went on together. We both sang in the high school choir and travelled to All State chorus several times. She actually remembers us ending up on neighboring cots in the nurse’s office when we returned from one of those adventures.  Wow.  I wish my memory was that crisp. 

A more recent memory that came bubbling back was skinny-dipping with a friend after a soccer party at a very swanky Silicon Valley home.  Anyone who knows me well knows how much I LOVE skinny-dipping and to have to sneak around to do it makes it even more fun.  That party was probably the highlight of the two years we lived on the West Coast. 

A particularly special exchange for me was with my cousin Rob.  There was a famous recipe in our family that our grandmother used to make every Christmas.  The recipe was for peanut sticks, a delicious hors d’oevre that was a real labor of love as it took hours to make them.  That was the memory I shared with Rob and his very quick reply was “Jincie”, my grandmother’s name. So we each were able to spend a few minutes remembering our extraordinary grandmother.

There were lots of memories of shows that I have done over the years.  Facebook, as it turns out, is a fabulous place to stay in touch with theatre friends and see and hear about their latest and greatest artistic endeavors.  There were camp memories and parenting memories and work memories.  One former colleague wrote that he missed me every day. How good does that feel?

So why do I think my trend is bound to take off?  Because it takes what has become routine for many people and cranks it up a notch.  It moves it from being a day when you get a celebratory light touch from friends through Facebook and turns it into a wonderfully rich day of connection and memory.  For isn’t that what’s it’s all about?  Isn’t it just awesome to get to remember friends from every corner of your life- all on one day each year?  Whether this takes off or not, I’m going to stick with it.  In fact, from now on when I am moved to send a birthday greeting to any of my friends on Facebook, it’s going to come with a fun shared experience for us to remember together.  Who’s in?