Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Lately I’m having real trouble deciding when and how to participate in my life. I was once a girl who showed up for her friends, for their shows, for interesting events in the community.  I believe in showing up.  But lately, I’m just not feeling it.  I’ve missed so much over the last months. 

I heard an interview recently with Donna Murphy, a mature actress, who has had a fabulous career on Broadway.  She was talking to Seth Rudetsky on the Broadway Channel on SiriusXM about her career.  She really inspired me and got me thinking.   She talked about using a filter of “what do I have to give in this situation, at this moment”.  That feels like a powerful way to flip the script.  So often we view the world through the lens of what can I get out of this situation or this person or this experience.  If I do this, what will I get in return?  

This reminds me of an experiment I did shortly after leaving my business career in Boston.  I was feeling adrift and wanting to affect more, to connect more so I announced the The Great Gifting Experiment.  I offered to gift my time and ideas to friends and colleagues who needed help on a project.  Interestingly very few folks took me up on the offer.  It’s not that I didn’t have anything to offer.  I knew I did, but it was an offer and a model that people didn’t quite know how to participate in.  We’re so used to things being transactional. It’s one of the really wonderful concepts at Burning Man.  The gifting economy.  There is no currency other than generosity.
 
What would happen if we just think about what we have to give?  
 
I got some great advice from a dear friend on this topic recently.  I was fretting about going to an event that I had said I would attend. My friend’s advice was - you need to get really clear about why you are doing something.  Why are you going to that concert or that party or that lecture?  The answer doesn’t always come quickly.  We need to slow down and think hard about why we are drawn to do certain things.  
 
I worry when I opt out of more than I opt into.  Perhaps it’s a leftover from the pandemic and our months of being shut in at home.  Do we view our time differently now?  It could certainly be an outcome of two brain surgeries and moving out of our home.  All of it has taken a toll.   
 
One thing is clear to me and that is I have a deep well of things to give.  Maybe it’s as simple as a cheerful spirit or a friendly face.  Maybe it’s sharing a good laugh with a friend.  Maybe it’s sharing my perspective on business and art and friendship.

I’m going to try on this new model.  If you see me, know that I’ve decided that I have something to give in that moment in that place. Who knows what we might discover.  Cheers!