Feedback: At Work, At Home, In the Theatre

I reflect today on the power of feedback.  I am currently in a production of A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to the Forum.  It's a bawdy, zany show with a great cast of talented people.  It is far from perfect but there is great energy, lots of hilarity and generally our audiences have been appreciating the performance.  But last night was a bit different.  We had a wonderful audience on Thursday night with lots of laughter and applause, but last night the audience was different.  Now I am not going to presume that they did not enjoy the performance.  They clapped in all the right places and seemed to be smiling through most of the show.  But they gave us very little in the way of feedback.  I listened and watched my fellow actors come off the stage after their scenes, each puzzling about what was going on.  There were plenty of jokes and as most theater people do, everyone kept their spirits high and brought their best energy to the stage.

I worried a couple of times if there was a risk that we would try too hard to get a reaction.  Could we cross the line?  In this show, I doubt it, but you never know.  I know for myself, as I got ready to go on stage for my one big song in the show, I had a bit of trepidation.  I am always a bit nervous before a show.  I think it's a healthy thing.  If you don't feel some nerves and excitement, then I believe you are not ready to really bring it.  But this was more of a mental challenge.  Without the encouragement from the audience and the sense of anticipation that audiences and actors feel before each scene, the hill seems higher to climb. I went on stage and the scene went just fine.  I just had to work harder to relax and trust myself and my fellow actors that all would be well.

Feedback is such a powerful thing.  I have always worked hard in life and especially at work to bring honest feedback to my colleagues, to the folks that I manage and even to my bosses.  As a career sales and marketing person, I have been in many a meeting with some important people where the stakes felt high.  But no matter who the meeting was with, I have always believed that if I had colleagues with me, we should come out of the meeting and reflect on how it went.  What could we have done better?  What did we do well?  Where do we need to improve?  This has felt a bit tricky over the years when I have been with a boss.  Bosses, in my experience, are not as accustomed to hearing feedback and don't always hear it well.  But I believe that it makes us all better.

And what about parenting?  Isn't that just one big long road of offering feedback and guidance.  Goodness knows it is not always well received but it's kind of the job of the parent.  The trickiest thing is knowing how to offer feedback so it is received as constructive and not as criticism or judgement.  Nobody does well when they feel they are being judged.  I'm not sure what the secret is to getting this right.  I once had a colleague tell me that I managed my team like a Mom.  At first I wasn't sure if it was a compliment or a criticism.  He explained that what he meant was that I gave firm feedback, but signaled that I cared at that same time.  That seems to be a pretty good strategy.

So the next time you are in the audience at a performance or are coming out of a meeting, consider how you can offer feedback in a way that is both constructive and supportive.  We'll all be better for it.