Worthiness

Worthiness.. or What Happens When You Get a B- at Work

Once upon a time, a Board Member for an organization that I was working for, told me that it was too bad that they had hired a B- player when what they needed was an A player.  He was talking about me and I honestly think in that moment, he forgot who he was talking to.  At the time, I thought it was possibly the most stunningly insensitive thing anyone had ever said to me in the workplace.  I mean as a student, I always was pretty darn conscientious and always worked to get good grades.  A B- grade was never what I hoped for- with the possible exception of Chemistry that I felt lucky to simply pass at all.

There have been other bumpy periods during my career when I felt similarly maligned.  The most traumatic was after moving my family across the country for a job, I was replaced by someone that I had hired.  At the time, I was outraged, I was deeply hurt, but mostly I was just plain angry.  That wound has yet to fully heal.

But now I am beginning to see something that I could not see at the time.  Now I see that no matter what our skills and our gifts,  sometimes what we have is not what our organization needs at that time.  We may have had exactly what the company needed at one time, but things change, companies change.  And at different points along the way, the organization may need different kinds of skill and different kinds of people at the table.

Of course we all aspire to bring a range of gifts and skills that will continue to deliver value to our organizations, no matter what the circumstances.  When we're lucky, we can adapt with the needs of the business.  When we're really lucky, our companies will continue to align our responsibilities with our unique gifts.  More often than not, our egos get in the way and our pride does not allow us to adjust as the situation requires.   Sadly when we are unable to adapt, it's usually time to move on.

Here's the lesson that has been the hardest to learn.  Just because we are judged to be a B- player (or worse) at work, that does not mean that we are a B- player in life. No matter how people judge or criticize, we are still worthy.   How hard it is to hold onto our conviction about who we are, what we believe and what we know we can offer.   How hard it is to hold out to find the right place to share our energy and our gifts.

Perhaps this is a skill that comes with experience.  It is no doubt harder to learn early in your career.  But as a manager and a colleague I hope to always remember to acknowledge people's gifts and unique contributions and to never make them feel unworthy.

What Does a Facebook Birthday Say About Your Life?

Many a pundit has waxed on about the transformative power of social networks.  Many of the people in my life have marveled at the joy of Facebook birthday love.  It is really quite stunning in its simple power. But today I am thinking about what the disparate group of birthday well-wishers say about my life and the nature of my relationships. After celebrating yet another big milestone yesterday, I am reflecting about the outpouring of good wishes and love.  I know there are mapping apps that show you where your network is coming from- what companies, what industries, what geography etc. but my method was much more scientific.  It involved a pen and a piece of paper.  I decided to map where all these folks had connected with me in my life.

There are some very significant buckets- business colleagues/friends, friends from my former life (hometown, high school, college), camp friends, theatre friends and of course people from my current life and community.  As I was tallying the results I was thinking about how I would characterize each group.  Of course that exercise is absurd because each and every one of these people are gloriously unique and human, but since I was trying to be scientific, I wanted to see if I could draw some broad correlations.

Did the business category "win" because I have spent so much of my waking life working at companies and have naturally developed real friends who will stay close to me (thank you Facebook) for years to come.  That's kind of a glass-half-full theory.  Is there something more fundamental about the way, in my business, people commit to staying connected to their broader networks.  After all, we all know that a well-placed phone call to a former colleague can open doors to business deals, job opportunities.. the possibilities are endless.  Is that it?  I wonder. I do have many memories of being part of a team that was innovating and inspiring each other.  I remember feeling that the work we were doing was important. I'm very happy, by the way, to report that I still feel that way.  The shared experience of building a company,  of launching a new product, of evangelizing a new way for people to connect in the world brings with it great camaraderie,  great satisfaction and great memories.

Of course hearing from family and friends always feels great.  There's something particularly heart-warming about hearing from my nieces who I adore.  They are spread across the country but sending me a birthday greeting tells me that they know that I am always cheering them on, no matter where I am or no matter what is happening in their lives. In their own ways by remembering me on my birthday, they are cheering me on too.  I love that!

I naturally thought that my camp friends would have a strong showing in my oh so scientific poll.  There has really been nothing more transformative in my life than my many years as a camper, as a counselor and later a camp parent. I have observed it's profound impact on my own family and how it continues to be a gift in the lives of so many.  My many years as a counselor have been particularly transformative for me.  In my college years, just the act of putting my campers before myself was an eye-opening and ultimately incredibly rewarding experience.  Later as an adult with small children of my own, returning to work at camp meant dropping out of the rest of my life for 4-8 weeks (depending on the year), immersing myself in a phenomenal community, working really hard, living simply and joyfully.  The singing alone makes camp a truly joyful place to be.

And then I considered my wonderfully passionate and oh so creative theater friends.  I of course include my musical friends in this category.  This has mostly been an avocation for me but one that I have been deeply passionate about since I was putting on shows in the basement of our house with my sister.  Believe it or not the "Theater" bucket was almost as large as the "Business" bucket.  So now that's interesting.  If I put my scientific discovery hat back on and do the math about the number of hours I have spent on stage or rehearsing or teaching the arts, the hours will not come close to the number of hours/weeks/months/ years that I have spent working in business.  And yet... the times spent with my theater peeps have been the most intense, most creative and most joyful in my life.  Don't get me wrong, not every performance is stellar, not every production is all you hoped it would be.  Certainly every audition comes with plenty of angst and often heartbreak.  There are unpleasant people in theater just like there are in business and in life.  But the passion that people bring to the creative arts is downright inspiring.  Are theater people more naturally drawn to Facebook as a way to share their successes, advertise their performances?  Is there something naturally outgoing about theater people that draws them to a platform like Facebook.  Maybe.

I have heard from people as far afield as my Chilean sister whose family I lived with in Santiago, Chile while on an exchange program in high school.   I heard from our dear sweet au pair Camilla who lives in Sweden.   To be able to stay connected with these women in addition to so many other important people from every chapter of my life is a gift.  So I am here to report that my scientific study was not conclusive.  I considered sharing the actual stats here but then decided the numbers are unimportant.  I know, I know I have been trying to be ever so scientific.   My conclusion is this.  The bigger your life, the broader the tendrils that reach out across geography and across time.  I feel enormously blessed to have the full, rich life that I do.  And I appreciate the connection with every last person in it.  So here's to you Facebook. We couldn't have stay connected this way without you.