Is it Narcissism, Therapy or the Beginnings of a Book?

Is it narcissism, therapy or the beginnings of a book? Is all of this writing I’ve been doing helpful to anyone other than me?    I read recently a wonderful quote about how writing can help the world feel right again.  It can open us up to our inner thoughts and help us navigate bumpy times.  It has certainly been that for me over the last few years.  It has been a wonderful way to celebrate adventures (see Ten Legs and a Tale posts of our epic girl’s road trip to Colorado) or bemoan the painful process of growing older.  It has allowed me to share my very scary health journey and gather incredible love and support from my friends and loved ones (CaringBridge).  Writing has been a way to share ideas and make sense of the world.  Since I have been quite limited in what I’ve been able to do over the last months, I am reading and writing more and more.  It is a wonderful way for me to feel connected and grounded.  So I invite you to follow along on my personal blog-  rememberingwhatIknow@blogspot.com or on Caringbridge (https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/perryisperky).  Ironically that blog is called Perry is Perky, even when I have been feeling far from perky.  I have finally sorted out a Follow feature on my personal blog so that you can subscribe. I will continue to post health updates on CaringBridge and hope they will be few and far between.  Remember What You Know, my personal blog, will continue to be the place where I reflect and celebrate all the wonders of this life.   I invite you to join me.  

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The Used-To-Be List

In 1971 Ram Dass, a spiritual guru, published a book called Be Here Now, which ushered in the beginning of the mindfulness revolution.  He had previously been known as Richard Alpert and was a Harvard professor.  Like many accomplished people he had many layers.  With the help of psilocybin, a psychedelic drug, he had a spiritual awakening.  Through an intense hallucination he was able to see himself in all his aspects-  Richard Alpert, the professor.  Richard Albert, the social being.  Richard Albert, the lover.  The list was long.  One by one, these aspects of his identity appeared before him and then disappeared. He saw them as a vision in front of him and watched them fade away.  He had just thought to himself how fortunate he was that he still had his body, his physical being, when that began to disappear as well.  And what was left was Richard Alpert, in his Richard Alpert-essence. 

 

I have been reflecting on the various aspects of my identity.  With my challenging health status over the last two years, I have become truly impaired.  My hearing is diminished with hearing in only one ear, my vision is extremely challenged right now with double vision and as a result my balance is way off.  How has this affected me?  The list of things that I used to do, the person that I used to be has changed significantly.   I used to be a tennis player. (a pretty good one if I don’t mind saying).  I used to be a skier.  Skiing has been one of my all-time favorite sports for most of my life.  I love the freedom of it, the beautiful scenery and the collegiality of doing it with friends.  I used to be fearless in the ocean.  I would love to bob over the waves and ride them into shore.  I used to be a dancer.  The many musical productions that I have done as an actress showcased my dancing chops.  I even faked being a tap dancer in a production of Nunsense. I have loved singing my entire life and was able to hold my own in acapella groups from college as well as adulthood.  One of the greatest pleasures in my life was singing with my beloved acapella group, Custom Blend, in Massachusetts.  I have tears in my eyes now as I think about the loss of that group in my life.  But singing acapella requires serious musicianship and a really good ear.

And lest I forget my professional past.  I used to be a big cheese business executive. I worked for a lot of wonderful entrepreneurs.  I worked in Boston and Silicon Valley in the early days of the internet.  I ran teams and coached and mentored sales and marketing folks.   You see where this is going, right?

 

Used to be… executive, tennis player, skier, bodysurfer, dancer, singer… the list grows.

 

Now I know that many people lose their ability to do certain things as they get older.  But look around friends.  There are lots of “mature” skiers bombing down the slopes.  You can see active elders tearing up the tennis courts, or at least the pickle ball courts.  My decline has been accelerated by my health status. I can feel very sad about it if I let myself go there. But first, let’s look at the list of things that I are still part of my identity, of who I am.   I am a writer.  I am a budding multi-media artist, I am a dog mom and a grandmother.  I am a devoted mother and wife. I am a reader and a thinker.  I am a learner.  I am a friend. 

 

I haven’t given up on being a singer or an actress or a producer or a gardener.  I haven’t given up on being a mentor, or a camp counselor. I just need to adapt the way that I do all of these things.  I hope to add to the list of things that I can do and do well. And I need to be the very best version of wife/writer/artist/mom/grandmother/reader/thinker/learner/friend that I can be.  I need to celebrate my Perry-essence. Off we go.    

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You Are Cordially NOT Invited to my Pity Party

You are cordially NOT invited to my pity party

Once upon a time, we sent out an un-invitation for a Christmas party.  For many years, we had thrown a holiday party. It was a blast.  It was the highlight of the season (at least for me).  And believe you me, it was festive.  We cooked up a storm, we decorated the house and we did some boisterous singing of Christmas songs around the piano. But it was also a ton of work and that year we decided to take a year off.  So as to not confuse our friends who were always expecting an invitation to this party, I sent out an invitation that said- 

 

You are cordially NOT invited to the Allison/Schunk Christmas party.

It’s not because of the cooking and shopping that breaks the bank. 

It’s not because of the clean-up that lasts for days. 

It’s not because of the out-of-tune singers (you know who you are)

It’s because we just need to take a year off.

 

I tell this story as a preamble to the invitation I am about to issue.

 

You are cordially NOT invited to my pity party. I’m going to have it all by myself.

  

Ready?  Here goes. In no particular order. 

 

I’m half deaf

My vision is wonky

My balance is wobbly

My sister died of ovarian cancer two weeks ago

It is 15 degrees below zero outside

I have covid

My husband has covid

We are missing my nephew’s epic wedding celebration in Sayulita, Mexico this weekend

And we may or may not get on a plane next week for our planned vacation in Puerta Vallarta.

 

How am I doing so far?  Pretty pitiful right? 

 

But looking on the bright side…  my sparkling Christmas lights are lit.  There’s a fire in the fireplace.  My loyal Smoochy is ever by my side. I’ve got Michelle Obama and Prince Harry’s books loaded in my Kindle and I’m re-binging Ted Lasso.  Tomorrow I’ll be in my art studio making homemade valentines for my loved ones.  Things could be a lot worse.

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I Sang This Weekend!

 I SANG THIS WEEKEND!!

What joy it was to reunite with my dear camp friends for our 105^th camp reunion.  There was a fabulous talent show on Saturday night and some of my performing arts counselors and I sang a song that we had sung a few years ago, Play!  From the musical, Finding Neverland.  It celebrates the power of play and says that “the world is so mysterious and wild, when you start to see it through the eyes of a child.”  How true.  

 

What was especially joyous for me was I allowed myself to SING!  I have been very worried about how this would go since I have lost a good amount of my hearing.  I have totally lost the hearing in one ear and have lost some in my good ear as well.  This had sent me into a very scary place earlier this summer.  The thought of losing my hearing and losing my ability to experience and enjoy music was terrifying.  Music has probably brought more joy to my life than almost anything other than my loved ones.  From playing saxophone in the junior high band to performing in musicals throughout my life and then to singing with my beloved acapella group, Custom Blend for almost 12 years, I have experienced such love and community while sharing music.   The Gospel Choir at Dartmouth brought me great joy when I was able to sing with them.  And of course, camp is a community that sings daily.  We sing at meals, we sing every morning when we gather for “assembly”.  The soundtrack of the summer binds us together in such important and special ways. 

 

So how fitting that it was at a camp event that I bravely let my voice shine.  Not only did we sing at the talent show, but we had a small and mighty choir who sang in our final Sunday assembly by the shores of Lake Morey.  You couldn’t have found a more beautiful spot to gather, reflect and to enjoy some lovely music.  I have discovered that I need to place myself strategically so my good ear is next to the accompaniment, whether that be a piano or other singers.  And while some things do not feel the same, I have a lifetime of muscle memory with my voice and my heart to inspire my singing.  

 

We’ll see how far I can take my music in the future but for now, for this weekend, I am ecstatic to have been able to sing with friends and to feel the spirit move me. 

 

I will share some of the song we sang today.

 

Another sun is rising in the sky

Another breeze is blowing down the lake

Can’t you hear the call of all that longs to be

In every single sacred breath you take.

 

Whatever makes an ordinary day

Turn fresh and new and beautiful to see

Well, it’s not the things that we’re so certain of

But chances that we take that make us free.

 

Aloha in the hills, Aloha in the skies,

Aloha in our hearts, Aloha in our eyes

And when at close of day,

That ol’ moon begins to rise,

We’ll bless this very day,

We’ll bless this day with thanks that we’re alive.

 

Written by the incomparable Biff Fink. 

 

 

 

 

What Took Me So Long?

It’s that glorious time of year when the flowers are blooming, the birds are singing and I get to be at my beloved camp, Aloha Hive.  With all of the health challenges of the last two years, my participation is limited but still filled with joy and wonder.  I have spent a few mornings a week in the Arts and Crafts barn, doing art projects with campers.  These are girls, age 7-12.  They are exuberant, curious and living their best life.  How lucky they are.

 

When I am not at camp, I have become immersed in art projects at home- mostly multi-media art and collaging.  This is a new avocation for me and I am utterly hooked on it.  I find it peaceful and restorative.  It has given me a creative outlet when I am not able to be in the theatre.  

 

The question I am pondering this morning as I paint in my sketchbook is what the heck took me so long?  There were opportunities along the way.  When I was a camper in my youth,  there was a spectacular art barn with weaving, pottery, jewelry making.  You name it and it was there.  I never went to this barn. Not once.  I was too busy rehearsing for the annual summer show or playing tennis.  What a missed opportunity. 

There have been bursts of creativity along the way like the year we created el-wire costumes to bring to Burning Man.  We were a big hit as we hit the playa after dark.  This photo captures friends Cal and Tedford and sister, Amy.  

  Happily, I have found ways to be creative in my garden and in the kitchen.  And I have reveled in the music and theatre in my life.  What is so much fun about my new passion is that I have the rest of my life to get good at it.  For now, I am just playing.  I am experimenting and putting no pressure on myself to get it right. Not yet.  I did have a fleeting thought the other day of actually showing up at a craft fair someday to sell my creations.  HA!  We won’t hold our breath for that. 

 

For now, I am grateful to have discovered this new aspect of my creative life.  I am appreciative of the campers who I am spending time with this summer as they are inspiring me.  And there is a whole community of multi-media artists on Instagram- #FodderSchool who are inspiring me as well.  Check it out.  Maybe you’ll discover a new part of you too.  Jump in, the water’s warm. 

  

 

 

 

 

Such a Good Dog.. more in the Eight Legs and a Tail Series

 In my last post, I called out my traveling companion, aka the rule following, closer-upper, driver/husband.  See previous post- "My Husband is Driving me Mad".

In this post, I am going to sing the praises of my other traveling companion, my dog, Smooch.  Fair warning.  If you are not a dog lover you might as well stop reading right now, as I'm going to talk about my extraordinary dog and how much I love her. 

What is better than a traveling companion that never complains, is always up for a good meal, will take any chance to make friends with strangers and likes to end the day with a good smooch and a cuddle.  That's my girl, Smooch.  She will turn six next week and still has the very best combination of qualities in a dog- lots of playful exhuberance, and also the ability to just chill for hours, sometimes even days if the situation requires.  In addition to her many charms she has serious skills.  She is a stage manager, a camp counselor and we have almost completed her training to be a therapy dog. Heck, she's even written her own blog.

We will have driven nearly 5000 miles on this road trip. We have stayed in all manor of campgrounds.  Sometimes our sites have been spacious and sometimes, pretty darn tight.  Today, at our last stop of the trip, we are right next to a beautiful creek. Is there anything more fun for a labrador retriever than being next to a body of water with fish in it no less?  In every campsite, we have let off steam by throwing our bright orange chuck-it ball so that Smooch can do her "retriever" thing.  This will entertain her endlessly.  But today probably takes the prize for a lab friendly camp site.

 For much of our trip we were in Denver visiting our daughter and her adorable children.  Smooch got her training with the first grandchild three years ago when I drove out to Denver and stayed for a couple of months to help after Mabel was born.  She proved then, as now, that she loves babies. There is nothing that will rufffle her- not a climbing, poking, hair-pulling baby, nor a rambunctious, almost four year old who will climb on her and rough her up.  No, this dog is the model of unflappable.  In my humble opinion, all babies should grow up with a dog like this

At every turn in the trip, I have hugged her and kissed her and told her that she is "such a good dog". I have done my best to provide her with a great dog life- (remember my off-leash philosophy?)  We visit our friends in the dog park as often as we can (shout out to the Kilowatt gang!) And we have a collection of boyfriends in different places-  Finn in Center Sandwich, Ripley in Ipswich, Ollie right in Thetford and of course her relatively new cousin, Bagel, who she is quite taken with.  Smooch is a dog who loves babies, people and other dogs.  I guess she's kind of like me. The only thing she doesn't do is sing and dance, but there's always time for new tricks. We often anthropomorphize our dogs.  And why not?  We couldn't love them anymore, even if they were special people in our lives.  They are the best kind of family.  I'll take mine on a road trip to anywhere, just about any time.  

My Husband is Driving me Mad... part of the 8 legs and a Tail series

My Husband is Driving me Mad!

 

My husband is a rule-follower and a closer-upper.  I, on the other hand, am a rule-breaker and an opener-upper.  This we have learned on this trip.  What rules you might wonder?  Well, mostly the rules around pets.  There is a leash law almost everywhere.  Smoochy is a country dog who is not used to being on a leash or tied up and I like it that way.  I fundamentally believe in the maximum amount of freedom for everyone always. However, when we arrive at a campground, Michael immediately puts Smooch on a line and I pretty quickly thereafter take her off.  Granted, some campgrounds are very tight and it would feel dangerous to let her loose.  In Santa Fe, there was a healthy bunny population and Smooch is a hunter through and through so we kept her tied up there.  Last night in Tennessee, we were in a beautiful park, the Natchez Trace State Park which was nice and wide open.  We were near a lovely lake where Smooch got to swim and we were able to be a bit more relaxed on the leash rules. Yes!

 

The closer-upper vs. opener-upper issue has to do with the shades in our rig.  Remember, our Mini-Max is only 18’ long so it is tight inside. I am in favor of having the shades and the windows open as much as possible.  Michael, on the other hand, keeps closing them up.  I mean seriously, who’s going to be peeping at us through our windows?  It’s almost impossible to see in and even if you could, so what?  Maybe it’s all of the time I have spent backstage in the theatre with clothing flying in all directions and actors in various stages of dress and undress. (La Cage Aux Folles comes to mind).  Maybe it’s the skinny-dipping that I learned to love at my summer camp.  Or maybe it’s the time I have spent at Burning Man in the Black Rock City where clothing is definitely optional.  I simply don’t worry about people looking in at us.  Peep away people!

 

I guess Michael and I are a classic case of opposites attract. He, an introvert.  Me, most definitely an extrovert.  We were talking recently about how introverts have trepidation about rejoining society as the pandemic (hopefully) winds down.  Michael actually thrived during the many months of quarantine.  He loved the quiet and solitude.  He prefers to drive in silence.  If I were driving on my own on this road trip, I would be blasting show tunes, listening to NPR and audio books and podcasts.  But I appreciate that he is doing the driving so I nap a lot.  I did not thrive during quarantine.  I missed my friends terribly.  I enjoy quiet times too but also come alive from the energy of being with people.  This is why I love the theatre and my camp.  It is also why I miss my working life when I had a wonderful team with which to share my days.

It is also well-documented that I am the sunnier personality in this combo.  My cup is always half full and I always expect the best from everyone and everything.  My husband is the complete opposite.  Of course, being locked up together for over a year during the pandemic and then spending every second of every minute together on a six-week road trip is a good test for any relationship.  Fortunately, we still make each other laugh and hopefully, mostly, bring out the best in each other.  We are pretty evenly matched in Quiddler.   We both love to create things- culinary masterpieces, theatrical sets, gardens, and of course, a loving family.  We will probably avoid each other for a week or so when we return home but then we’ll start planning our next adventure.