What Does a Facebook Movie Say About Your Life?

I am always pondering questions about self-expression and how people choose to share themselves with the world and with their circles.  Much has been written about the differences between extroverts and introverts.  Susan Cain's book, Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking, is a wonderful book on this topic.  A very visible way that we see how much people want to share their stories, their ideas, their journeys is on today's social media sites.

So, today while the snow swirled outside and I hunkered down for a glorious snow day, between emails and meetings, I have been captivated by the Facebook Movies that have been coming through my Facebook newsfeed.  What a simple idea and what a great way to celebrate Facebook's 10 years.

I once wrote a post about what a Facebook birthday says about your life and today I reflect on what a Facebook Movie says about your life.  To be clear,  this snippet of images shown in about a minute may have very little to do with the real fabric of your life, unless you have chosen to share it on Facebook.  But it's a proxy.  It's a signal of what your network of friends choose to share.  What are the share-worthy moments and what compels us to put them out there?

Of course, we all know that many folks cannot resist sharing photos of babies and dogs.   As a complete sucker for both, I am always happy to see those sweet faces coming through my feed.  As someone who long ago hung up the diaper bag, I find myself often consumed with pangs for those sweet, sensual early days of motherhood.  Since I have also sadly hung up the dog leash, at least for now, I look longingly at wonderful pictures and images of dogs of every size and shape and dream of the day when I will have another devoted companion.

But today I reflect on more than that.  I reflect on the values that come through these movies.   There are  friends who share nothing but pictures of their spouses or their families.  There are the friends who are shameless self-promoters, who promote every achievement, book published, play they've been cast in, award they have been given.   Sure, why not?  It's a great place to do it and is undoubtedly why so many of my most active Facebook friends are theatre people.  Who doesn't want to spread the good word about our good work? And truly, nothing makes me happier than celebrating with these friends, their achievements and their great moments on stage.

One can learn a lot about what people value by the images they share.  Are they often surrounded by large groups of family and friends?  Are they sharing glorious photographs of beautiful outdoor spaces or settings?  Are they doers?  Are they thinkers?  Are they creators?  What are they passionate about?  The Red Sox?  Politics?  Fashion? The issues they champion?  Are they grabbing their life by the horns and living it or are they settling back and just savoring it?  Are they sentimental or are they serious?  Are they adventurers or just plain fun-loving? What a kick to have a peek into so many people's interesting lives. So today I celebrate the full and rich lives that so many of us have.. A happy snow day indeed.

Actors are like Children

I love actors.  I love everything about them.  I love the energy that emanates from them and the spirit that surrounds them. At a recent dinner party with some actor friends, I was both delighted and stunned by the force of the energy in the room.  This, on a wintry night when the temperature outside was literally 15 below zero.  Perhaps it was the contrast that made the evening so completely enjoyable.   The house was warm, the fire was crackling, the food was hearty and wholesome.

One of our dinner guests that night was particularly captivating.  He caught himself early in the conversation sounding a bit self-important and rather than pull back, he made fun of himself in a way that none of us expected.  He went completely over the top in pretending to be so self-important that nobody else in the room could possibly compete for all of the attention that he thought he, in all his self-importance,  deserved. There is very little so entertaining as watching someone make fun of themselves with such abandon.

Actors are like children.  They are taught to open themselves up to the world and to the people around them.  They learn how to be present and to be open.  You've heard about "theater games"?  Well that's exactly what they are.  They are exercises that allow actors to play, to imagine, to make believe and to let go.  Children of course don't need to go to school to be this way.  They are naturally open and present.  They are often completely unabashed in their excitement and enthusiasm for the world.  And actors often share this quality.

Mind you, not all actors are such fun to be around. Not all actors have this childlike exuberance.  But the best of them do.  The best of them know who they are and are incredibly generous with sharing who they are with the people in their life.  They have a vulnerability that is captivating.  Perhaps this vulnerability comes with putting yourself out there in auditions over and over again.  After doing many auditions myself, I have learned to "take the plunge".  This has required that I let go, that I give myself to the material or the song or the scene.  Sometimes it has worked and sometimes it hasn't.  But often when it hasn't worked, it's because some part of me did not let go.  Some part of me was self-conscious and was doubting myself.  Some part of me was not present but was worrying about work or life.  Some part of me had not "shown up".

For all actors, no matter how successful or talented, there is an enormous amount of rejection that comes with the territory.  If every actor allowed every missed role or disappointing audition define who they are, they would give it up.  They would fold up their tents and do something different.  But they don't do that because deep down, they are passionate about what they do. They are at heart, open and generous human beings who don't feel fully alive when they are not doing theater, when they are not putting themselves out there.    I observe many people in business freeze up and become incredibly anxious when they are asked to get up in front of a group and present. Putting yourself "out there" is not for the faint hearted.

There is something magical, at least for me, about being with people who are so willing to put themselves out there, who throw themselves into  conversations and situations with abandon.  This is why I love being with children so much.  Children and actors.  You know the dinner table party game that asks if you could pick anyone to have dinner with, who would it be?  For me, It would be an actor or a child.  It would be an actor or a child who is present, and who is open-hearted.

Creativity is a Messy Business

A colleague once shared with me that he found working at an early stage startup to be very draining and that he had very little creative juice left over to work on some of the other creative projects in his life.  I reflect on this as well and ponder the time and energy it takes even to "get back to the blog".  What about the book that I've been kicking around in my head for a while or the musical that I want to write.  

That musical project  got off to a fairly energetic start about 5 years ago.  What you say?  Five years?

What happened to it?  Good question.  The team that began working on this project still expect that we will get back to it and that we will even finish it.  We occasionally see stories or articles that remind us of our show.  Spoiler alert:  The concept is about a stray dog in New York City.  There was a news piece recently about a lost dog whose owners looked for him tirelessly for weeks. They checked the shelters, they put up posters, they did a social media campaign on Facebook.  Some kindhearted man eventually found the poor dog shivering under a bridge one night as the temperatures plummeted in the city.  He was alive, but weary and very cold.  My writing partners and I were thrilled to hear this story, not only because it is such a heartwarming story with a happy ending but because it reminded us of our project and gave us yet one more nudge to not forget it or give up on it. 

So what is it about the creative process that makes it so messy?  It is not a linear thing.  It does not fit the rules of a project with a beginning, a middle and an end.  Well, maybe in the perfect world it does, but not on my watch.  My creative projects weave and spark and then bubble in the background.  My creative projects wait for the right circumstances to bubble up and get some traction. 

Oh there are many small creative endeavors along the way.  From the most simple act of cooking a delicious meal for family and friends to arranging some beautiful flowers from the garden.  (Ah, the garden.  I yearn for the garden during this most bleak time of year.)  There is the music that I create with my dear friends every Sunday night.  And there are the ideas that percolate up at my company each week about the work that we do.  But I have found that being at my most open and creative often takes a back seat at work.  The relentless pressure to churn out work, and analyze the data and keep the wheels on the track saps so much energy that there is very little left for more fanciful and far flung ideation.  

So what's a girl to do?  Is there a strategy to keep the creative fires burning?  Maybe it's the small things that keep the engine stoked.  Maybe it's the silly holiday video that we do every year at my company that fuels me for now.  Maybe it's the occasional blog that I actually pen. Maybe it's the exhilaration of being around my most creative friends, the friends who delight me with their ideas and their humor.  These are the people I am drawn to.  These are the people that inspire me.  Yup.  I think that's it.  Play games, have fun, create beautiful spaces and prepare delicious meals.  Feed your brain and your soul with books and films and music and friends.  And then, some day.. there will be enough time and space for that book or that musical.  Just don't hold your breath. 

Is it Dementia or is it Data Overload?

Is it Dementia or is it Data Overload?

So I find myself at an interesting juncture in my career.  I've done a lot, seen a lot, thought deep thoughts and worked with many smart, driven fellow travelers along the way.  Right now I work at a company that is in love with data.  This I'm certain is not unique to my company.  It is a product of our time.  We love our data.  We slice it and dice it and slice it again.  We do one analysis and that begets a whole new raft of requests for deeper analysis and more numbers and information.   It is hard for even the best of us to keep up.  So what's a girl to do?

Cut to the scene in my house just this morning.  I was sitting working on a photo album, trying to label some of the photos of a fabulous wedding that we threw this September.  And as I am looking through the pictures, I came to one which is a picture of my sister and my nephew playing a game.   The game is one that I have played no less than a hundred times.  It is a game that was incredibly popular at the summer camp that I worked at for so many years.  It is a game that involves a pole with a rope on it and a ball at the end of the rope.  The object is to whack the ball in one direction so that you finally wrap the rope around the pole so many times that ... well... eventually.. you win.  So I know this game.  I've played this game.  I LOVE this game.  And there I sat looking at the picture, trying to label it and I could not for the life of me remember the name of the game.  You may be shocked that I am making this confession.  Seriously?  You couldn't think of the word tetherball?  Nope.  I couldn't.  It took me all of five whole minutes to finally summon the word.

I was not happy about this. The conversation that was happening inside my head was not a happy one.  I was disparaging to myself.  I was frustrated. No, what I really was, was fearful that there is something really profound happening to my brain.  I was fearful that I am truly losing it.  Is it all catching up to me? Is it all of those years of fun and frivolity?  Was it the trips to Burning Man?  Have I simply tapped out what little capacity is left in my brain.  Am I washed up?  Is it over for me in the world of big data?  You can imagine, in my fragile state, where my thoughts started to take me.

And then my son appeared.  My son who is so wise and thoughtful and remarkably centered for a 24 year old.  And I confessed my deepest fears to him.  I said, "Dewey, I think I have Alzheimer's."
And he laughed and said, "Mom, that stuff happens to me all the time.  My friends just look at me, waiting for me to spit out whatever it is I am trying to say."  hmmm.  The plot thickens.  Is it possible that it's not me?   This, by the way, is a lesson I am working mightily to learn.  Most of the time-   "it's not about me".

Well, phew.  That was incredibly reassuring.  Really?  This happens to you kids too?  That is beyond reassuring.  It saves me from myself.  It allows me to move on with my day and get back to the office where the crush of data will keep coming at me.  There will be countless spreadsheets and analyses by very smart people on my team.  Thank God for the smart people on my team.  And I will keep trying to stay on top of the avalanche.  I think perhaps the best prescription of all will be for me to give my brain a break later this month.  I think I should let my brain slow down a bit and not work too hard.  I think I should put my computer away for a few days.  Maybe I'll actually read some books that are fun and frothy.  Maybe I'll spend some time outdoors, despite the cold.  Maybe I'll sing with my friends, and celebrate with my family all that we should be so grateful for.  Yup.  I think I'll celebrate that I don't have Dementia or Alzheimer's... at least not yet.

The Lull Between Parenthood and Grandparenthood.. a Holiday Reflection

'Tis the season when the world seems to go into a frenzy of consumerism.  We are between Black Friday and Cyber Monday.  There are ads everywhere tempting us to the malls and stores with sales.  One begins to feel somehow grinch-like or just plain "not in the spirit",  if you don't get on board.

But I am not on board.  Sorry.  I'm just not feeling it.  I know it's early.  There is a chance I will rally late in the game.  But I sit here and reflect on other holidays and remember what it was to be so completely invested in the season.  Decorating the house, baking the cookies, planning and shopping for just the right gifts for family and friends.  In more recent years, I have often summoned a burst of creative energy at this time of year to make something homemade.  Some inspiration would strike and I would enlist my very handy and capable husband to help me make bird houses or bath salt holders or "A New Years Eve celebration in a glass".  And it was lots of fun to share those gifts.  I still love to make things and I certainly love to cook as well.  But having the energy to do this requires time and this year it just feels that I don't have enough of that.  With a very busy job and lots of business travel coming up, something's gotta give.

When our kids were small, the shopping and planning was incredibly intense and elaborate. But I don't feel that pressure any more. I don't need to do anything that I am not motivated to do.  Perhaps that is the gift of this time of my life.

The last few years have forced us into a new flexibility about what gets celebrated when.  We have had a medical resident in the family who has had to work several of the last Christmases.  So we've moved it up or back.   Of course with small children in the household, it would be impossible to do that.  When kids are counting the days and everyone around them is doing the same, throwing your Christmas on Dec 24th or 26th would just not fly.  But for us over the last few years, it hasn't really mattered. So I feel myself slowly but surely letting go of so many of the trappings of the holidays.

Will I get it back?  I'm considering that I might if I have a new generation of small fry with which to  celebrate the holidays. (By the way- no pressure kids)  I know from the friends in my life with grandchildren that the joy returns.  The holiday shopping takes on new meaning.  There is no end to the joy of buying adorable clothing or wonderful children's books or toys. So perhaps this is just a lull between the joys of parenthood and the joys of grand-parenthood.  I like to think that's it.

I also think that moving to Vermont has given me a new appreciation of keeping things simple, of moving away from a life of too much consumerism and excess. When you live somewhere with so much natural beauty, the need for "things" seems to recede.   So this season, whatever you celebrate, I wish you simple pleasures and the joy of doing only what you are moved to do.  If it's all about homemade gifts, do it.  If there is some special gift that you are excited to give to someone you love, then give it with pleasure.  If you are motivated to be generous and to give to people and causes who need the help, I applaud that too.  There is so much need in the world.  However you navigate the season, do it from a place of generosity and appreciation all that we are lucky enough to celebrate.

A Day in the Life of a Thankful Marketer

A Day in the Life of a Thankful Marketer

Tis the season to be grateful and to give thanks.  Thanksgiving is one of my all time favorite holidays.  It’s a time of year when I give thanks and yes reflect a bit on what’s important.  What lights me up?  What inspires me?  So as I sit and ponder these thoughts in my office at BiddingForGood, I watch the good news stream through my email box.

Every day, oftentimes many times during the day, I get an email alert about another nonprofit or school that has decided to work with my company to help raise their much-needed funds.  It would be so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day work and stress (stress?  Who me?) of running a marketing team and of reaching out to customers and partners and prospects.  There is plenty of work to keep us all very busy indeed.   Most days we’re thinking about email campaigns and social media posts and web site conversion rates.  We’re trying to support our sales team and our client services team.  We’re trying to open new markets and forge new partnerships. But it’s way too easy to forget about the impact of all of the work that we collectively do every day.

So today, I peruse my inbox and see a long list of schools- charter schools and Montessori schools, public schools and private schools.  I see corporations like Kimberly Clark who are doing phenomenal employee auctions to benefit their charity partners.   Companies like Kimberly Clark and AT+T are raising hundreds of thousands of dollars through the generosity of their employees.

I see arts organizations like Inner City Arts and The ChoralArts Society of Washington DC. I get particular delight from organizations like this.  I sit back and imagine children getting exposed to the arts, or musicians sharing their gift of music with their communities.   I see temples and health organizations and nature conservancies.   I see organizations like Girls for Africa that exists to transform the lives of orphans in Ghana.   What is not to love about helping organizations like this?

If I visit our website, I find auctions for organizations like Art To Beat Cancer which is supporting new therapeutic agents for the treatment of cancer.  And I find Home for the Howlidays.  This organization raises funds to rescue, heal and find homes for abandoned or homeless dogs and cats in high kill shelters.  I don’t linger too long on this site because I am desperately yearning for a dog in my life.  Our old dog, Gussie, died a couple of years ago and there is a big hole for me with no devoted friend to sit patiently by my side.  The timing is not right for a new dog now but I can take great pleasure in knowing that my company and our work is helping an organization like Home for the Howlidays. 

So I am grateful.  As I look forward to my favorite holiday and I ponder the brine I will use on our turkey this year, or the stuffing recipe that we will try this year,  I think also of how lucky I am to have family and friends who will be with us.  I  think about how lucky I am that we will have food on the table.  And I am very grateful indeed that the work that I do has such impact in the world. There is great need in the world and it feels so satisfying to be doing something about it.   What are you grateful for?  And where are you having impact?  I’d love to hear from you.

Finding Meaning and Having Impact

Finding Meaning and Having Impact

I have the great pleasure of working for a company that helps worthy organizations raise money for their good work.  So this week, a very unusual but serendipitous event happened which involved an artist named Banksy who mysteriously “vandalized” and then returned a painting to a thrift shop in NYC.  The organization was quick to reach out to my company BiddingForGood and put this painting up for auction.  The auction culminated last night and the painting went for a cool $615,000. As I watched the bidding move up almost $300,000 in under 10 minutes, I was first struck with questions like “Who are these people?" “Who really has the kind of money to jump into a bidding war and spend over a half a million dollars on a painting in one night? “ With that kind of money, what else do they care about?  What are the causes they support?  What is the good work that they do in the world?  The good news about this particular auction is that a worthy non-profit, Housing Works, in Brooklyn, NY will be the recipient of the proceeds.  Housing Works stated mission is to address the dual crisis of homelessness and AIDS that still plagues our city streets. 

Then my thoughts quickly turned to the appreciation I feel for working for a company that can have this kind of impact in the world.  Ok, granted, we are just the software guys that provide the platform for this fundraising to occur, but we make it possible.   We make it happen and that has meaning for everyone who works for the company. 

So I reflect on having work with meaning and having impact.  Where and how does this happen in our lives?  If we are entrepreneurs, we create businesses that have impact.  We build companies around transformative ideas.  We are fueled by passion that drives us to work as hard as we do.  Where else do we see impact?  Teachers have impact.  Think about the great teachers in your life.  Doctors and nurses have impact.  For those who have battled illness of any kind, they know the difference that doctors and nurses can have in our health and recovery.  Artists certainly have impact as we saw from the auction tonight. As I reflect on my career, some of my most satisfying work has been at companies where there was tangible impact and meaning.  An unlikely example is Walking Magazine.  This magazine came at a time when the notion of walking for fitness was a new idea.  Companies like Nike and Reebok were just beginning to recognize walking as a legitimate fitness activity. We did a lot of work to shine a light on this practice and to show how beneficial it was becoming to so many different kinds of people.   I used to see a fitness walker bustling down the street and feel a strange sense of pride, as if we had actually had something to do with that.  Another chapter in my career that was perhaps even more profound was being at AltaVista in the very early days of the internet.  For those who remember, AltaVista was one of the first and most powerful search engines on the web.  We were a central part of the story during those early days. It was incredibly exciting to be part of something so profound that it was changing the way we live and learn and connect with one another.

Having been married to an architect for many years and having visited some of the beautiful buildings that he has designed- homes, libraries, university student centers, I have often been inspired by the imprint that he leaves behind.   How incredible to create something that lives on for years and years and breathes life into families, universities and even entire communities.

In really simple ways, we create meaning by growing gardens, by baking cookies, by cultivating friendships, by nurturing teams.  We create incredible meaning by having babies and raising happy and healthy children.  So today as I ponder who this person is who will spend over $600,000 in one night on a painting, I also reflect with appreciation on the opportunity to have impact in the world.   It’s a good way to make a living.