The Dirty Little Secret About Grandparents

There are so many times in life when people say to you-  Just you wait!  Just you wait until you stand on the rim of the Grand Canyon. Just you wait until you lay eyes on your first child.  Just you wait until you see Hamilton on Broadway.  The list goes on and on.  I have heard the same refrain from a number of friends about becoming a grandparent.

I remember a conversation a year or so with a wonderful theatre director/friend.  My daughter was newly pregnant and I was bemoaning a lack of focus in my life since leaving my company. I confessed to feeling a bit adrift.  She looked at me knowingly and said- just you wait.  Everything will change when that grand baby arrives. Okay. Sure. I guess. It's kind of hard to imagine it before it happens.  And then I recalled conversations with dear friends who were absolutely, positively smitten, over the moon,  in love with their grands.   This was not, mind you, just confined to women.  I've seen male friends equally nutty and deliriously in love with their next generation of small fry.

So now it's been my turn.  The day finally arrived when my sweet little Mabel entered our lives.  I  had the privilege of spending two months taking care of her.  To put into words the indescribable elation that I have experienced has been difficult for me.  I have shed more than my share of tears without really understanding why.  It is well documented that my heart lives just below the surface so it doesn't take much to send tears down my face. But this was something different than anything I'd ever experienced.  This felt biological or hormonal. I even asked friends if it was possible to have postpartum depression when you have a new grand baby.  I learned recently to my amazement that there is something very real that happens between mothers and their daughters and their babies.  There is an exchange of DNA between them that makes the experience truly biological.  It makes sense that a mother would pass down her DNA to her baby and that the baby would in turn share her DNA with her Mom.  I mean after all, she co-habitated inside your body for 9 whole months.  And then when your baby became a woman and had her own baby, the DNA exchange happened again, forever bonding the genetic thread from mother to mother.  This is not to diminish the power of parenting, no matter the circumstances, the gene pool, the family of origin.  When it comes to DNA exchange, fathers share their DNA too when they conceive a child. The difference is that they don't receive the DNA back from their children in the same way since they don't carry the baby.  I know, it all sounds a bit mumbo jumbo-ish.  This idea was shared with me by a friend so I have not researched it's veracity.  But it makes a lot of sense to me as it explains how profound the experience has been for me.


So after an intense two months of being the Granny Nanny, the full time caretaker for this morsel of deliciousness, I had to leave her.  I had to get in a car with my dog and drive back to Vermont, leaving her 2000 miles away.  The heartbreak was practically unbearable.  I have reflected on the fact that our society today has enabled us to move across the country, across the world to pursue our dreams. This often requires that we leave behind our family and friends.  There is something unnatural about that.  Of course I would never get in the way of either of my children's dreams and ambitions but when they start having babies, is it really necessary to be so far away?  Can't I just pop over occasionally for a hug and some play time?  Wouldn't it be great if we could visit and read books and sing songs? Wouldn't my sweet Mabel like to sit on my counter playing with measuring spoons while I bake some cookies?   Of course I am not alone.   There are legions of grandparents who drive away from their grand-children and weep.  They sit in their garages and weep.  They are depressed when the visits are over.  They cling to the photo stream and the memories and the videos of their grands.  And they are sad that the visits aren't more frequent.   There are some who are lucky enough to be close by.  They are the really lucky ones who jump at the invitation to come babysit, or to help out with all of the challenges of parenting and working and creating a strong, loving family.

The dirty little secret is that grandparents are really really sad when they say goodbye.  They yearn to be closer.  They weep.  It's good to know that I'm not actually going completely insane and to know that I am not alone.

s

Anyone driving to Denver anytime soon?  Need a co-pilot?  Sign me up.

It's Christmas and I'm Back

A few years ago, I wrote a blog this time of year, reflecting on why I had lost my Christmas mojo.  I speculated that perhaps it had to do with my kids moving out. I dubbed it the lull between parenthood and grandparenthood.  I just wasn't feeling it.  I didn't really want to decorate my house or spend a lot of money on presents that no one needed.  I complained about decorating the house by myself.

But something incredible has happened. I have crossed over. I am back in the spirit and I attribute it to the newest gift in my life. I have a delicious baby grand.  I call her Mabelicious.   I am now a GramPear. I have been called Pear by many friends and family so it seems only fitting.  I was lucky enough to spend the last two months taking care of her as her Mom and Dad got ready to put her into daycare. Taking care of a baby is a tough gig, don't let me sugarcoat it.  But it got easier every day and by the time I was ready to head home, I was heartbroken. I was besotted and I was bereft.

So here's the Christmas miracle.  I'm back into celebrating the holiday.  I have holiday music playing full time.  From the Mormon Tabernacle choir to Pentatonix and everything in between.  I am a decorating fool.  I have every manner of Christmas lights up all over my house.  I am opening boxes of ornaments with new wonder and delight and recalling the stories that go with each one.   A friend told me a little known fact that the sooner you decorate for the holidays, the more you enjoy them.  And whether or not our house will be full of family and friends, I'm doing it for me. I'm doing it because it makes me feel warm and filled with the spirit.

I'm still not spending a lot of time shopping or buying presents.  I am all about getting rid of things, not accumulating them.  But buying presents for a small one is a wondrous experience.  And I still love the notion of gifting "experiences".  On Christmas night this year, we'll be in NYC and are going to see a Broadway show.  How much fun is that?  It'll be a different way to spend the holiday but I'm excited about it.

So if my newfound spirit is part of what this new chapter offers, bring it on.  I may have had to change my picture of what a holiday looks like.  But the best lesson I've learned is to do it for me. Do it because it makes me feel happy.  I wish all of my friends the same.

A Different Kind of Birthday

As I sat in the rocking chair tonight, with my sweet Mabel, wishing her to sleep, a dark shadow emerged from the hallway.  And then another.  It was Sydney, the black lab and Smooch my devoted blond lab, coming to make sure all was well. They plopped down on the floor in the nursery.  Always there. Always available.  Always attuned to me and my loved ones.  It was the end of a long day.  My new job, for now, is being the Granny Nanny.   This was not the birthday of years past.  There would be no dinner out with my dear husband or celebrations with my peeps at work.  A few times over the last few years, I have been lucky to be in rehearsal for a show so my birthday was celebrated by a big, larger than life, boisterous group of actors.  This year it was me and my grand baby and two Labrador retrievers. As usual, I enjoyed the bounty of a Facebook birthday where old friends from near and far, from this life and the lives before, resurfaced to send birthday greetings.  There is much to appreciate about what social media has allowed in our lives.  I love that annual tradition of reconnecting with so many.  Some of my friends posted that they hoped I was having a big party or celebrating with fervor. I have been known to be a bit of a party girl.  Hmmm.  Maybe not this year.

I got the usual phone calls from my family.  That’s kind of what we do.  We call each other and sometimes we sing happy birthday.  But I missed each call today as I attended to my sweet Mabel.  This is a different gig for sure.  It is consuming in ways that I didn’t imagine or managed to forget. I was happy to know that my family remembered me today but not unhappy that I was busy when the calls arrived. My husband, still in Vermont,  sent a beautiful bouquet of flowers that I will enjoy all week long.  I guess he misses me.

I had been in charge since 7:30 this morning when the kids went off to work and then to a rehearsal dinner for a wedding that they will be celebrating this weekend.  It was a long day but not without joyful moments.  What is better than teaching your first grand baby to sing Happy Birthday?  We sing and we sing a lot.  She seems to love it and of course so do I.

But my heart aches a bit for the life I had when life was overflowing with friends and colleagues and loved ones.  This experience of being in a different city, with a different family, albeit my own daughter, is a bit disorienting.  I am NOT complaining.  Not one bit.  But I am feeling the loss of my old life, in Vermont, in Boston, in business, with my a cappella group,  even at camp.  This year, it’s just me and the baby and the dogs.  I guess it’s all part of the passage of becoming a grandparent and leaving behind a busy work life, at least for now. 

Babies have an uncanny way of making us live in the moment.  Thankfully, they are not worrying about the stock market, or the shenanigans in our nation’s capital.  They eat, they sleep, they laugh, they sing and they appreciate the care that we shower on them.

That’s my gig for now.  Perhaps next year, I’ll throw a different kind of birthday celebration.  Who knows.  Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to celebrate with some of you.   

Smooch's Tales- Lost on the Trail in Colorado

I'm so excited that my Mom is letting me blog again.  I had another big adventure this weekend in Colorado.  We went up to the mountains to this place called Frisco.  And we went hiking every day. I. Love. Hiking! The trails are so beautiful here and there are lots of dogs on the trails.  You know how much I love meeting other dogs.  I especially love running through the woods.  You can't even imagine how many smells there are.  And there are creeks and little rivers to swim in.

Usually I run ahead of my humans because I am so excited.  My cousin, Sydney, is more grown-up than I am.  She always waits for my Mom, who is not the speediest hiker on the trail. Just sayin'.

So on Saturday my Aunt Ames and my Uncle Andy took me on a big hike on a trail called Ten Mile Creek Trail.  My Mom decided to do some other things. We had such a blast.  There were tons of dogs and people on the trail and even some kids.  I. Love. Kids.  And there was a rushing river near the trail.  It was kind of like a canyon but the water made it really hard to hear anything.   I ran ahead and met some new friends.  And before you knew it, I was kind of lost. I was a little bit worried.  It turns out that my Aunt Ames was really worried because she sat down on a rock and started crying.   She worried that she would have to call my Mom and tell her that I was lost.   Meanwhile, I met a very nice man who petted me and checked the tag on my collar.  I guess he was worried because it seemed that I was by myself and I was whining a bit. Remember I said that I was a little worried?  I guess I whine when I get worried.   So the nice man called my Mom's number that was on my tag. I just sat down on the trail for a rest.  I had been running pretty hard all day long.  I couldn't exactly hear the conversation but I guess my Mom told him that I had been hiking with Ames and Andy and she was going to try and call them and figure out where they were.  Before long Andy arrived at the spot where we were waiting.  He and Ames had been hiking behind me.  So while Ames cried, Andy just kept hiking until he found me.

Well that was a relief!  I was sorry that I worried my Mom and Ames but I still had a really fun time.  I just hope they keep taking me out on the trails.  It's about as much fun as a girl can have.

Smooch's Tales- Life is an Adventure

Author's Note:  One thing I learned on my recent cross-country trip is that having guest bloggers is a blast.  We actually penned our cross country blog- Ten Legs and a Tail- as a team.  So I've decided to invite another guest blogger to join me on this blog from time to time.  Meet Smooch.  

Life is an adventure

My view of the farm

Life has been pretty exciting lately.  I wasn't exactly sure what was happening back home in Vermont when my Mom started packing big duffle bags, my food, my dog bed and all of my toys.  But I'm always up for a new adventure so I decided to just wait and see what was in store.  On the day that she packed the car, I decided to sit on my back porch one last time.  I love sitting there in the sunshine, surveying my view and watching my chickens play in the yard.  Ah yes.  Life in the country is the best.  I get to walk in the woods almost every day and I get to chase chipmunks and be on the lookout for ground hogs.

Pretty soon, it was time to jump in the car so off we went, down to MA where we met some of our friends.  The next thing I knew, I was riding in this funny house on wheels.  It was kind of sweet.  There was room to walk around.  My dog bed sat on the floor right behind the two seats in the

Sleeping in my house on wheels

front of the moving house.  At first it was exciting but then it actually got kind of boring.  Mile after mile we travelled.  We stopped every once in a while to stretch our legs and with luck, I'd get to chase my ball in a new park or rest area.  I even got to go swimming a few times.  I swam in the Susquehanna River and in Lake Erie and we found some sweet ponds where I could dock dive.

Tied up at the campground. Boring.

There were times in my house on wheels when my Mom and her friends seemed kind of nervous and upset.  They kept talking about big trucks and scary things happening on the road.  But I mostly just slept.  In the night, we'd stop moving and I got to sleep on my Mom's bed with her.  Yup.  Life on the road.  I could get used to it.  We stopped at a couple of campgrounds that seemed a bit sketchy.  There were lots of dogs but everyone was on a leash and they didn't seem that friendly.  I just don't understand it when other dogs don't want to play with me.  I like to make friends
with just about everyone.

At any rate, I'm really happy that my Mom has invited me to contribute to her blog.  I actually think she has a secret desire to write a dog book some day.  She has read so many dog books, you wouldn't even believe it.  I feel like when she lets me blog, she is practicing for the day she will write her dog book.  I hope she does it because I bet I'll get to be in it.

I have lots of stories to share.  Like about when I learned to be a camp counselor last summer.  And how I am learning to be a really good babysitter for my baby, Mabel.  She is really cute.  She hasn't learned to throw the ball for me yet but I'm sure she will soon.  I keep trying to teach her.  I also learned this summer how to babysit for my cousin, Finn.  He is my cousin and is a golden retriever.  He's just a puppy so he needs to learn a lot of manners.  But I love playing with him so I'm fine being his babysitter.

Mabel

Finn

I'm living in an new house now that seems to be really far from Thetford.  I miss my Dad in Vermont. but I like it here.   It's a busy household with a lot of people to play with me.  My cousin, Sydney, a black lab, lives here and that is a blast!  We never met until I arrived at her house.  But now we all live together and best of all, we get to take care of Mabel.  Ah, Mabel.  Babies are the best.   I'll write more about Mabel in another post.  Thanks for reading.  Woof.

Ten Legs and a Tail. The Journey Ends.

Ten Legs and a Tail.. The final installment

Here’s what life on the road looks like.

Our epic journey has come to an end.  After driving 2181 miles, playing lots of quiddler (Annie won the most games and we’ll never hear the end of it) drinking lots of wine (what happens in the RV, stays in the RV), meeting lots of fun people and a few scary ones, it’s time to move on to the next adventure. 

Here are some of our favorite quotes-

"We are, after all, the bigger car."

"Are you changing lanes? just askin’."

As we pull into Abigail and Ryan’s neighborhood in Denver, Annie said, “So glad Ryan didn’t take the job in Santa Clara."

 If we captured your imagination and you’re dreaming of your own RV adventure, here’s our number one Pro Tip-  Don’t Do It.

But if you do, make sure you do it with people who you’re know you’re going to love no matter what happens.

Oh and Pro Tip #2- Bring your latex gloves and a face mask.  Until the next time.

Dorothy, we're DEFINITELY not in Boston anymore

Ten Legs and a Tail

Highway signs:

Military academies
Fireworks
Guns and Ammo
Smoke Shops
Adult "whatever"

Long day today.  Many many miles.  We started outside of St. Louis, rode through Kansas City and ended in a dusty Kansas town called Salina.  It's Lonesome Dove country.  We're waiting for Augustus McRae to saunter around the corner any minute. And one thing is for sure. We are NOT swimming in any rivers.  If you haven't read Lonesome Dove, pick it up.  We're agreed.  It's a top 10 book.

The hair-raising moment of the day. Gas Stop:  A woman holding a gas nozzle in her hand, spewing gasoline in the aisle next to ours.  And yes, we have a propane tank in the rig. More heart palpitations.  Justine and Annie ran for help.  No-one cared so we got in the rig and ran for our lives. Thankfully, no explosion in our rear view mirror.

Comic relief.  Nicky's brilliant response to Annie's texted picture of the camper and her bed above. Mom says, okay we're still in Missouri.  Nicky says... have fun, you should clean up your room.

Only stop for the day was a short stop in Kansas City to check in on some family history.  This is where my great grandfather built a life and a family business, now run by my brother, Steve.








Tomorrow 430 miles.  Denver or Bust!!  Sleeping in real beds, eating real food and kissing our loved ones.

Cute Boys!

Ten Legs and a Tail.. How the Midwest was Won

It's all about the cute boys.  Yesterday we took a 30 minute detour in Indianapolis to get ice cream at Graeters.  It is, by all accounts, the best ice cream from Cleveland to Indianapolis.  Here we met our first set of cute boys; two very nice young 7th graders from the area.  They were at the next table talking about girls. We struck up a conversation and they could not have been friendlier, more open, more eloquent or informed. They told us about their school calendar (very different from ours on the East Coast), their passion for basketball and what a wonderful place Indianapolis is to grow up in.  We drove away marveling at how just plain nice they were.

After the still hair-raising Route 70 to St Louis, through an epic traffic jam, we arrived at our KOA campground west of the city. There was more wine and more Quiddler and then to bed. Anyone wondering about this game of which we speak- Quiddler? Look it up.  It is hands down one of the most fun word card games around and we've been hooked for years!  This morning we rented a car so we could get a day off and see some sights.  The next set of cute boys we met were at least a decade older.  They were at the Enterprise rental counter.  Naturally we had our trusty side kick, Smooch.  The asst. manager came over and told us NO DOG unless she was in a crate. No dog hair in the cars. We don't have a crate.  Justine said aloud, "Oh man, our day is ruined!" I looked over at sweet Smooch lying peacefully on the floor,  "Look at that face.  Does this look like a dog who sheds?"  The compassionate, earnest young man, looked at us, looked at Smooch and said, "Well if you promise to bring the car back clean, you can take her." The other agent urged us to check out Rooster for breakfast and Carl's for burgers. Then he tucked us into our car, leaned in the window and said, "You guys are fun!" You're full of joy!" He told us he loved having us as customers. Apparently not all customers at Enterprise rental cars are joyful. From that moment on we dubbed our mini-rig the Joy Mobile. 

Off we went to Rooster, the famous breakfast spot. YUM.  And then on to the Arch. What a sight!













From there it was onto Forest Park and the St Louis Zoo. What a gorgeous city.





We topped off our afternoon at the famous Carl's restaurant that is apparently one of the top 10 burger spots in the country. It was there that we met our 5th cute boy.  His name was Matt and he sat next to us at the counter while we ordered our burgers and root beer. When in Rome and all that.

He told us that his family comes to this hot spot every Christmas Eve which we found hilarious. We talked about his family, his one year old baby girl, Amelia, and his wife, the labor and delivery nurse. Seriously.  He thanked us for such a fun conversation and for cheering up his otherwise not-so-great day. Then he picked up our check! We told him that we were blogging and that today's theme was cute boys and we promised he'd be in it. Thanks, Matt! We hope you're reading! 

So here's the summary.  These midwestern cute boys are the best! (and kinda flirty) 
Next stop: Kansas City, KS. 

The Journey Continues... the Big Dump!

Ten Legs and a Tail.. day four

We began our morning with a trial by fire of the "RV life"  We decided it was time to do a big dump.  By that I mean empty our septic tank.  Gotcha didn't I?  My stalwart companion, Annie Gram, came prepared with a mask and rubber gloves.  Justine and I read the guidebook with the instructions which weren't that great.  just sayin..

We opened the latch, took out the hose, tried to shove it down the pipe (which it didn't want to do) and then... pulled the black valve.  Nothing.  What the what?  So then we pulled the grey valve and suddenly a giant splash of water fell on the ground, splashing on Annie.  I know I'm a terrible friend but I was laughing so hard, my vision got blurry.  Fortunately, it was what we RV experts call Grey Water. (water from the sink etc.)  So it wasn't quite as gross as it could have been.

So what are three novices to do?  Call in the professionals.  The very nice man at our campground came out to our rig, and with a twinkle in his eye, helped us get it right.  PHEW!!

On our way, we took a lovely detour in Indianapolis to Graeter's Ice Cream.  How many miles would you drive out of your way for amazing ice cream??

So on we went to our next destination which was St. Louis.

There were more white knuckles,  more trucks,  but we made it.  We were VERY happy to get to our campground outside of St. Louis.  We were ecstatic to see the heated pool that is still open.  Have you noticed a theme?  We are in search of water everywhere we go.  Look for a blog next week about how Smooch swam her way across the country.

We have settled in and found our groove.  Our favorite time of the day is the evening when we are snug in our camper, playing quiddler, solving the problems of the world.  We've even rationed our time talking about Trump.  Why ruin an epic road trip?  In our camper at night,  It feels like it's just us against the world.  It's a great feeling.   We'll be reporting Quiddler tallies later in the week.

Next stop - the Arch, the Botanical Garden, a sculpture park and maybe some time just chillin' poolside.

Ten Legs and a Tail- Day Three

Ten Legs and a Tail- Day Three

When we left you last..our RV was beeping.  It was something to do with the propane tank but we checked in with Cruise America who helped us sort out the issue.  We haven't blown up yet. 

As we pulled out of the Thompson KOA outside of Cleveland, we anointed this stop - Best Bathhouse Ever.  We didn't want to leave.








Next stop-  Lake Eerie.  We went to the beach and WENT SWIMMING!!  What is better than finding a new body of water that you've never swum in before?  The water was lovely.

Next we hit the road and drove Route 70 from Cleveland to Richmond, Indiana.  The trucks, dear God, the trucks! Justine dubbed it "terrifying alley".  There were trucks bearing down on our rig from all directions.  Anne Gram, the driver- nerves of steel.  The rest of us- heart palpitations.

Four hours later we pulled into Richmond, Indiana.  And what does a labrador retriever do when she's been in the car for almost 8 hours?  She runs and she swims and goes paddle-boating with her friend Anne.

Quotes from the day...

From the back of the RV..

 "Something smells eggy. is it dog fart or a chili fart?"

Next stop: St Louis. We'll be getting our kicks on Route 66.

Ten Legs and a Tail- the epic journey

We're renamed the blog for our trip, thanks to the creativity of my traveling companions.

Ten Legs and a Tail...

Three women and one dog.  Do the math.

Day Two.  So here we go... Here is the soundtrack of our trip so far.   Pre-trip anxiety...

The catch phrase was "Oh God"
Who's driving?  "Oh God".
Do you know how to hook up to electricity, water and septic.. "Oh God".
How long is it going to take us to get there?   "Oh God"
Who is going to be the co-pilot?  "Oh God".

Then we took off.  First stop in the Delaware Water Gap. We settled into our cozy RV and felt like we were in a safe, sacred bubble..  It was just us girls and we began to solve the problems of the world.

While playing Quiddler last night, the catch phrase was,    "Let's have some more wine and figure it out"

Today's excitement was stopping in a corn field in Ohio. Justine said-  "Are we in Dogpatch, those mosquitoes are the size of bats."

Smooch's day included a dip in the Susquehanna River.







Then we arrived at our sweet campground outside of Cleveland.  Smooch had a swim, we had wine-time and conversation and then the camper started beeping....