Fear of Missing Out

There is a term that I learned recently called FOMO which means Fear of Missing Out.  I learned this from some business partners, the folks at Eventbrite.  Eventbrite is a company that is in the business of promoting and celebrating all manner of events.  Apparently this is a thing, this fear of missing out.  This is a reason why many people actually show up to different occasions.

Consider the times when you have had a case of FOMO.  Was it a party that you were sure was going to be so much fun, so filled with light and laughter that you couldn't stand the thought of missing it? Was it a meeting or a conference at work that promised to reveal important information or where new opportunities would be presented only to the people in the room.  For folks like me who love to be part of theatrical productions, was it a time when a show was being cast and you were sure that the cast and the production team and all involved were going to create the most stellar,  most special experience ever and you absolutely had to be a part of it.

How often do these things work out?  How often is it worth allowing yourself to feel this FOMO?  Believe me, I'm a girl who loves a party and often is drawn to the center of the action.  I put myself out in the world a lot for many different reasons and I'm fairly certain that this dynamic of FOMO is at play for me often.  But I wonder how often it's worthwhile.

There are times when I probably would have been just as happy to stay home or mind my own business at work.  There are times when the promise of a magical production isn't all it was cracked up to be.  How can we discern when to listen to the voice inside that is whispering- better go, better get out, better join, better be part of it or you'll MISS OUT!  Is there a strategy for getting in touch with the real potential of missing out and the real consequences of what will happen if you do?  Are there times when it's more important to pay attention when the threat of "missing out" is a real one?

I pondered this question whilst in my garden today.  It was a glorious Vermont day and I was puttering around, looking at my various plants and marveling at what had happened in just the few days since I had last been in the garden.  I honestly could not believe how quickly my green beans were rocketing out of the soil.  (This makes me conclude by the way,  that Jack and the Beanstalk must have been a true story).  I am stunned at the velocity with which my new asparagus patch is taking hold.  Literally,  my few stalks seem to grow while I am looking at them.  And then I wandered over to my little fish pond.  I have a handful of fish in my pond and a jolly old frog who hangs out on the log.  And I also have a couple of beautiful water lilies.  When I walked by my pond early this morning, there was not much going on, but when I returned, voila, there was my water lily with a near perfect yellow flower opening up to the glorious day.  Now these are the things that I do not want to miss out on.  These are the moments when I know deeply that I want to be paying attention and I don't want to be rushing but rather savoring what is around me.

There was a wonderful story that aired on NPR recently about an elementary school in Quechee, Vermont that has what they call- Forest Mondays.  Forest Mondays are the day that the first graders get to spend outdoors.  My favorite part of the story was hearing how these lucky children start their day.  Each child has a special spot in the forest that they had found and claimed for their own.  Every Forest Monday they start their day sitting in their special spot. They sit quietly and look to see what has changed since the last time they were there.  This, my friends, is FOMO worth keeping.  This is what helps us keep our eyes and our senses open to the world around us.  This is what summer is all about.

The Legacy of Dave Goldberg Gives me Hope

If you follow the world of technology and the internet at all, you will have heard and read recently about Dave Goldberg, CEO of Survey Monkey and husband of Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook.  Sheryl  penned the widely acclaimed book, Lean In.   Dave died a month or so ago while on vacation in Mexico in what seemed to be a freak accident.   Ever since, the internet has been awash with tributes,  stories, and blog posts honoring this man.  I never met Dave nor his wife, although I did read her book and my company is a customer of Survey Monkey.  Where I feel a bit of a connection though is that I did spend two years of my career in Silicon Valley.

 I was particularly moved by the blog that was posted by his employees on their company blog.   The words that they used to describe him and the legacy that he is leaving are quite stunning.

He was described as a mensch- " a yiddish term that means a person of integrity and honor, a stand-up guy, someone to admire and emulate, a rock of humanity."  Adam Lashinsky, a writer for Fortune was quoted as saying "You just don't meet many people who are talented, successful, bright, kind, humble, and universally admired and liked."

Clearly this was a man who touched many many people.  He was described elsewhere as a loyal friend and devoted husband and father.  A family man and really successful in Silicon Valley?  It's not often that you read about those two qualities wrapped up in the same person.  

So what is it about the stories of this man that gives me hope? My time in Silicon Valley was not a particularly happy chapter for me, at least career-wise.  I was there during the peak of the internet boom when companies were doing IPOs at a frightening clip and friends and colleagues were becoming overnight millionaires.  Sadly, that little bit about becoming a millionaire did not quite happen to me. Oh well,  I forced myself to be philosophical and tried not to look back.  But the experience that I had at that time was much more than about money.  It was about deception and greed.  I encountered  people who were anything but the stand-up guy that Dave Goldberg was described as being.  Don't get me wrong, I had many wonderful colleagues and friends in California as well.  The villains in my story were only a select few but the damage that they did to me personally has lingered for over 15 years.  The details are unimportant and in the end, I can look back and know that I acted with integrity and honesty, even if I was surrounded by people who were neither honest nor known for their integrity.   The greatest price that I paid was to have my fundamental optimism and belief in mankind shaken.  I don't mean to sound dramatic but neither do I want to understate how profound this disappointment was for me.  

I have since had a very successful business career with many wonderful colleagues.  Sadly,  I do still continue to see deception and a lack of honesty and trust in the workplace.  There are those who believe that the only way to get ahead is to look out for #1 and do what needs to be done to make things happen and be successful.   Well I would like to offer that a man like Dave Goldberg proves that you can be a "good guy" and still get ahead.  And better yet, you can be celebrated by so many people for the positive impact you have had in your career and in your life.  We should all be so lucky.