Actors are like Children

I love actors.  I love everything about them.  I love the energy that emanates from them and the spirit that surrounds them. At a recent dinner party with some actor friends, I was both delighted and stunned by the force of the energy in the room.  This, on a wintry night when the temperature outside was literally 15 below zero.  Perhaps it was the contrast that made the evening so completely enjoyable.   The house was warm, the fire was crackling, the food was hearty and wholesome.

One of our dinner guests that night was particularly captivating.  He caught himself early in the conversation sounding a bit self-important and rather than pull back, he made fun of himself in a way that none of us expected.  He went completely over the top in pretending to be so self-important that nobody else in the room could possibly compete for all of the attention that he thought he, in all his self-importance,  deserved. There is very little so entertaining as watching someone make fun of themselves with such abandon.

Actors are like children.  They are taught to open themselves up to the world and to the people around them.  They learn how to be present and to be open.  You've heard about "theater games"?  Well that's exactly what they are.  They are exercises that allow actors to play, to imagine, to make believe and to let go.  Children of course don't need to go to school to be this way.  They are naturally open and present.  They are often completely unabashed in their excitement and enthusiasm for the world.  And actors often share this quality.

Mind you, not all actors are such fun to be around. Not all actors have this childlike exuberance.  But the best of them do.  The best of them know who they are and are incredibly generous with sharing who they are with the people in their life.  They have a vulnerability that is captivating.  Perhaps this vulnerability comes with putting yourself out there in auditions over and over again.  After doing many auditions myself, I have learned to "take the plunge".  This has required that I let go, that I give myself to the material or the song or the scene.  Sometimes it has worked and sometimes it hasn't.  But often when it hasn't worked, it's because some part of me did not let go.  Some part of me was self-conscious and was doubting myself.  Some part of me was not present but was worrying about work or life.  Some part of me had not "shown up".

For all actors, no matter how successful or talented, there is an enormous amount of rejection that comes with the territory.  If every actor allowed every missed role or disappointing audition define who they are, they would give it up.  They would fold up their tents and do something different.  But they don't do that because deep down, they are passionate about what they do. They are at heart, open and generous human beings who don't feel fully alive when they are not doing theater, when they are not putting themselves out there.    I observe many people in business freeze up and become incredibly anxious when they are asked to get up in front of a group and present. Putting yourself "out there" is not for the faint hearted.

There is something magical, at least for me, about being with people who are so willing to put themselves out there, who throw themselves into  conversations and situations with abandon.  This is why I love being with children so much.  Children and actors.  You know the dinner table party game that asks if you could pick anyone to have dinner with, who would it be?  For me, It would be an actor or a child.  It would be an actor or a child who is present, and who is open-hearted.

Creativity is a Messy Business

A colleague once shared with me that he found working at an early stage startup to be very draining and that he had very little creative juice left over to work on some of the other creative projects in his life.  I reflect on this as well and ponder the time and energy it takes even to "get back to the blog".  What about the book that I've been kicking around in my head for a while or the musical that I want to write.  

That musical project  got off to a fairly energetic start about 5 years ago.  What you say?  Five years?

What happened to it?  Good question.  The team that began working on this project still expect that we will get back to it and that we will even finish it.  We occasionally see stories or articles that remind us of our show.  Spoiler alert:  The concept is about a stray dog in New York City.  There was a news piece recently about a lost dog whose owners looked for him tirelessly for weeks. They checked the shelters, they put up posters, they did a social media campaign on Facebook.  Some kindhearted man eventually found the poor dog shivering under a bridge one night as the temperatures plummeted in the city.  He was alive, but weary and very cold.  My writing partners and I were thrilled to hear this story, not only because it is such a heartwarming story with a happy ending but because it reminded us of our project and gave us yet one more nudge to not forget it or give up on it. 

So what is it about the creative process that makes it so messy?  It is not a linear thing.  It does not fit the rules of a project with a beginning, a middle and an end.  Well, maybe in the perfect world it does, but not on my watch.  My creative projects weave and spark and then bubble in the background.  My creative projects wait for the right circumstances to bubble up and get some traction. 

Oh there are many small creative endeavors along the way.  From the most simple act of cooking a delicious meal for family and friends to arranging some beautiful flowers from the garden.  (Ah, the garden.  I yearn for the garden during this most bleak time of year.)  There is the music that I create with my dear friends every Sunday night.  And there are the ideas that percolate up at my company each week about the work that we do.  But I have found that being at my most open and creative often takes a back seat at work.  The relentless pressure to churn out work, and analyze the data and keep the wheels on the track saps so much energy that there is very little left for more fanciful and far flung ideation.  

So what's a girl to do?  Is there a strategy to keep the creative fires burning?  Maybe it's the small things that keep the engine stoked.  Maybe it's the silly holiday video that we do every year at my company that fuels me for now.  Maybe it's the occasional blog that I actually pen. Maybe it's the exhilaration of being around my most creative friends, the friends who delight me with their ideas and their humor.  These are the people I am drawn to.  These are the people that inspire me.  Yup.  I think that's it.  Play games, have fun, create beautiful spaces and prepare delicious meals.  Feed your brain and your soul with books and films and music and friends.  And then, some day.. there will be enough time and space for that book or that musical.  Just don't hold your breath.