Is it Dementia or is it Data Overload?
So I find myself at an interesting juncture in my career. I've done a lot, seen a lot, thought deep thoughts and worked with many smart, driven fellow travelers along the way. Right now I work at a company that is in love with data. This I'm certain is not unique to my company. It is a product of our time. We love our data. We slice it and dice it and slice it again. We do one analysis and that begets a whole new raft of requests for deeper analysis and more numbers and information. It is hard for even the best of us to keep up. So what's a girl to do?
Cut to the scene in my house just this morning. I was sitting working on a photo album, trying to label some of the photos of a fabulous wedding that we threw this September. And as I am looking through the pictures, I came to one which is a picture of my sister and my nephew playing a game. The game is one that I have played no less than a hundred times. It is a game that was incredibly popular at the summer camp that I worked at for so many years. It is a game that involves a pole with a rope on it and a ball at the end of the rope. The object is to whack the ball in one direction so that you finally wrap the rope around the pole so many times that ... well... eventually.. you win. So I know this game. I've played this game. I LOVE this game. And there I sat looking at the picture, trying to label it and I could not for the life of me remember the name of the game. You may be shocked that I am making this confession. Seriously? You couldn't think of the word tetherball? Nope. I couldn't. It took me all of five whole minutes to finally summon the word.
I was not happy about this. The conversation that was happening inside my head was not a happy one. I was disparaging to myself. I was frustrated. No, what I really was, was fearful that there is something really profound happening to my brain. I was fearful that I am truly losing it. Is it all catching up to me? Is it all of those years of fun and frivolity? Was it the trips to Burning Man? Have I simply tapped out what little capacity is left in my brain. Am I washed up? Is it over for me in the world of big data? You can imagine, in my fragile state, where my thoughts started to take me.
And then my son appeared. My son who is so wise and thoughtful and remarkably centered for a 24 year old. And I confessed my deepest fears to him. I said, "Dewey, I think I have Alzheimer's."
And he laughed and said, "Mom, that stuff happens to me all the time. My friends just look at me, waiting for me to spit out whatever it is I am trying to say." hmmm. The plot thickens. Is it possible that it's not me? This, by the way, is a lesson I am working mightily to learn. Most of the time- "it's not about me".
Well, phew. That was incredibly reassuring. Really? This happens to you kids too? That is beyond reassuring. It saves me from myself. It allows me to move on with my day and get back to the office where the crush of data will keep coming at me. There will be countless spreadsheets and analyses by very smart people on my team. Thank God for the smart people on my team. And I will keep trying to stay on top of the avalanche. I think perhaps the best prescription of all will be for me to give my brain a break later this month. I think I should let my brain slow down a bit and not work too hard. I think I should put my computer away for a few days. Maybe I'll actually read some books that are fun and frothy. Maybe I'll spend some time outdoors, despite the cold. Maybe I'll sing with my friends, and celebrate with my family all that we should be so grateful for. Yup. I think I'll celebrate that I don't have Dementia or Alzheimer's... at least not yet.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Sunday, December 1, 2013
The Lull Between Parenthood and Grandparenthood.. a Holiday Reflection
'Tis the season when the world seems to go into a frenzy of consumerism. We are between Black Friday and Cyber Monday. There are ads everywhere tempting us to the malls and stores with sales. One begins to feel somehow grinch-like or just plain "not in the spirit", if you don't get on board.
But I am not on board. Sorry. I'm just not feeling it. I know it's early. There is a chance I will rally late in the game. But I sit here and reflect on other holidays and remember what it was to be so completely invested in the season. Decorating the house, baking the cookies, planning and shopping for just the right gifts for family and friends. In more recent years, I have often summoned a burst of creative energy at this time of year to make something homemade. Some inspiration would strike and I would enlist my very handy and capable husband to help me make bird houses or bath salt holders or "A New Years Eve celebration in a glass". And it was lots of fun to share those gifts. I still love to make things and I certainly love to cook as well. But having the energy to do this requires time and this year it just feels that I don't have enough of that. With a very busy job and lots of business travel coming up, something's gotta give.
When our kids were small, the shopping and planning was incredibly intense and elaborate. But I don't feel that pressure any more. I don't need to do anything that I am not motivated to do. Perhaps that is the gift of this time of my life.
The last few years have forced us into a new flexibility about what gets celebrated when. We have had a medical resident in the family who has had to work several of the last Christmases. So we've moved it up or back. Of course with small children in the household, it would be impossible to do that. When kids are counting the days and everyone around them is doing the same, throwing your Christmas on Dec 24th or 26th would just not fly. But for us over the last few years, it hasn't really mattered. So I feel myself slowly but surely letting go of so many of the trappings of the holidays.
Will I get it back? I'm considering that I might if I have a new generation of small fry with which to celebrate the holidays. (By the way- no pressure kids) I know from the friends in my life with grandchildren that the joy returns. The holiday shopping takes on new meaning. There is no end to the joy of buying adorable clothing or wonderful children's books or toys. So perhaps this is just a lull between the joys of parenthood and the joys of grand-parenthood. I like to think that's it.
I also think that moving to Vermont has given me a new appreciation of keeping things simple, of moving away from a life of too much consumerism and excess. When you live somewhere with so much natural beauty, the need for "things" seems to recede. So this season, whatever you celebrate, I wish you simple pleasures and the joy of doing only what you are moved to do. If it's all about homemade gifts, do it. If there is some special gift that you are excited to give to someone you love, then give it with pleasure. If you are motivated to be generous and to give to people and causes who need the help, I applaud that too. There is so much need in the world. However you navigate the season, do it from a place of generosity and appreciation all that we are lucky enough to celebrate.
But I am not on board. Sorry. I'm just not feeling it. I know it's early. There is a chance I will rally late in the game. But I sit here and reflect on other holidays and remember what it was to be so completely invested in the season. Decorating the house, baking the cookies, planning and shopping for just the right gifts for family and friends. In more recent years, I have often summoned a burst of creative energy at this time of year to make something homemade. Some inspiration would strike and I would enlist my very handy and capable husband to help me make bird houses or bath salt holders or "A New Years Eve celebration in a glass". And it was lots of fun to share those gifts. I still love to make things and I certainly love to cook as well. But having the energy to do this requires time and this year it just feels that I don't have enough of that. With a very busy job and lots of business travel coming up, something's gotta give.
When our kids were small, the shopping and planning was incredibly intense and elaborate. But I don't feel that pressure any more. I don't need to do anything that I am not motivated to do. Perhaps that is the gift of this time of my life.
The last few years have forced us into a new flexibility about what gets celebrated when. We have had a medical resident in the family who has had to work several of the last Christmases. So we've moved it up or back. Of course with small children in the household, it would be impossible to do that. When kids are counting the days and everyone around them is doing the same, throwing your Christmas on Dec 24th or 26th would just not fly. But for us over the last few years, it hasn't really mattered. So I feel myself slowly but surely letting go of so many of the trappings of the holidays.
Will I get it back? I'm considering that I might if I have a new generation of small fry with which to celebrate the holidays. (By the way- no pressure kids) I know from the friends in my life with grandchildren that the joy returns. The holiday shopping takes on new meaning. There is no end to the joy of buying adorable clothing or wonderful children's books or toys. So perhaps this is just a lull between the joys of parenthood and the joys of grand-parenthood. I like to think that's it.
I also think that moving to Vermont has given me a new appreciation of keeping things simple, of moving away from a life of too much consumerism and excess. When you live somewhere with so much natural beauty, the need for "things" seems to recede. So this season, whatever you celebrate, I wish you simple pleasures and the joy of doing only what you are moved to do. If it's all about homemade gifts, do it. If there is some special gift that you are excited to give to someone you love, then give it with pleasure. If you are motivated to be generous and to give to people and causes who need the help, I applaud that too. There is so much need in the world. However you navigate the season, do it from a place of generosity and appreciation all that we are lucky enough to celebrate.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)